Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Urban And Rural Transport.

The urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system. Why do you think it is so? How can it be solved?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is evident that the transportation system of cities is better in comparison to (1) that of the villages. This is mainly because the government is more inclined towards the development of urban areas.

1. You can’t compare the transportation system of cities with villages. That’s comparing Apples with Oranges. Compare the two transportation systems. Use that of.

One of the various reasons behind is that higher authorities are paying more attention for (attention to, not for) the development of cities. (2) It is observed that there are more users of public and private automobiles in cities because a very high percentage of people living there are commuting commute for the work purpose. (3) This, in turn(put in turn within commas) helps in generating more significant revenue (more than whom? There is no comparison here.) which is used for the improvement of the same (the same does not refer to anything. Does it refer to private and public automobiles? If yes, then you’ve lost context. Automobiles are not transport system.). However, (Wrong use of HOWEVER.) On the other hand, in villages and less developed areas very less few (4) people are daily users of transport facilities. Moreover, these days every city is competing to become the a smart city and, hence, huge amount of money is being used for the betterment of the transport services. (Can you guess why the smart city is incorrect?) (Please clearly establish the link between smart city and transport services. Incomplete ideas will impact TR score.)

2. You’ve mentioned the idea for this paragraph in the introduction (government …. urban areas). Now, the first sentence of BP 1 can be better written by elaborating on development? How is the development made? Governments spend tremendous resources, financial as well as human, (= development) on the development of public and private transport systems in cities. The federal government of the United States, for instance, recently passed a one billion dollar bill (= development = resources) to expand the New York City metro (= urban areas). On the other hand, the rural areas of Louisiana (= rural areas) suffer from potholed roads (= poor transport system).

3. This sentence does not explain the role of the government. The sentence is not related to the previous sentence. Note the sentence under point 2. Note the connections between sentences and with the question statement in GREEN color.

4. Less is uncountable in nature. It can not be used with a countable noun (people). Prefr few.

There are few (5) steps that can be taken to address the situation. To start with, both urban and rural areas are part of the a country (you’re not talking about a specific country. This is the same problem as the smart city.) and the development of both will lead to a prosperous nation. So the government should spend equally in transport systems of both regions for the necessities. (‘for the necessities’ is vague. Which necessities? This is unrelated to the topic.) Secondly, some laws should be regulated (6) for laws should compel every state to use the money raised by taxes for the improvement of the transportation of to the neighboring villages. In addition to this, the government should establish NGO’s where people can voluntarily donate to raise funds for rural development. (You do not donate to raise funds. That’s a wrong word choice.) The contributions made by such people should be recognized with awards. 

5. There is a huge difference between a few and few. A FEW = Enough. FEW = not enough. He has few friends (not many friends). He has a few friends (enough friends).

6. LAWS can’t be regulated. Laws are themselves a regulation. Wrong word choice will reduce the band score. Also, this is not a second point. This is an explanation of the first point. How should the government spend equally? By investing taxes in neighboring villages.

In conclusion, the problem of raising funds can be solved provided the government should takes active steps for the development of rural and urban areas equally.

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