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IELTS Essay Correction: Small Town Shops Running Out Of Business.

Small town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. To what extent do the disadvantages of this development outweigh the advantages?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Recent developments in the transport facilities and road infrastructures have enabled the rural public to easily visit the big cities easier than before. Now, the small town people prefer city’s malls for the shopping. This trend (Let us connect the second and the third sentence using since. This will help you score better in GR. Also, let us avoid writing small town people and prefer a pronoun to refer back to rural public in the first sentence.) Since they prefer shopping in a city’s air-conditioned malls, it has created certain pitfalls for the town’s shopkeepers and big several (heavy/ sizeable/ significant) advantages for the public. (Since X, Y construction.)

A decade ago, the villagers and the small town residents were entirely dependent on the town’s local market area only. (entirely dependent includes onlyPoor road conditions to reach cities (2) and a (1) few modes of transportation were some of the biggest obstacles to travelling travel to the nearby cities. Since people from the rural areas have started visiting cities more often for basic (essential) shopping due to excellent roads and comfortable buses, the town’s market has lost its charm. The monopoly of the local shopkeepers has ended because and (3) they have no choice, but to reduce the price or shut down their businesses. Now, (No connector needed.) their inventory cost is higher because the sale has declined relatively due to less numbers of buyers and they need to store items for many days. (4)

1. There is a huge difference between few and a few. FEW = not many; A FEW = Enough. A few of his friends joined him. (Enough friends joined him.)

2. “X and Y were some of the biggest obstacles to travel to nearby cities.” Write nearby cities only once. There is no need to write to reach cities in “X”. That is unnecessary repetition.

3. This is NOT a reason for ending the monopoly. This is a consequence. Use AND. Wrong connecting device.

4. There is a need to connect these ideas logically. Note the logical flow through the underlined words. This will improve the coherence score. The monopoly of local shopkeepers has ended and since the sale has declined, they are facing higher inventory costs than before. Consequently, they have no choice but to sell this inventory at throw-away prices. They stare at huge losses and a possible shutting down of business.

On the other side, such developments have brought some enormous benefits for the buyers from the rural regions. Big city’s shops provide various choices at the affordable prices because these shops run the business at a larger scale than the town’s market. Rural residents also get discounts in the cities these megastores, which was never available in rural markets. Many villagers leverage the faster and more frequent bus services than ever before to travel cities store from their villages as compared to the earlier time. Therefore, they are able to do shopping more conveniently now. Use this speace to write an example. You must write at least one example in an essay. For instance, villagers from the outskirts of New Delhi, the capital of India, travel to the city to purchase electronic gadgets such as Vivo and Apple smartphones since these are not available in the local market. Also, they prefer to wear Levis Jeans which are available in city stores only.

In conclusion, although business owners in small towns encounter the a decline in their businesses, shoppers from rural areas have significant benefits from cities store. They buy cheaper products and save more money from discounted products in the big cities malls.

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