Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Urban And Rural Transport – 1.

The urban transport system receives more funds compared to the rural transport system. Why do you think it is so? How can it be solved?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The (You’re talking about technology in general and not a specific one.) technological advancements has have entirely transformed the way of traveling during the past few millenniums decades. (a millennium = 1000 years.) However, the urban and the rural transport systems are completely different in the terms of development (1) due to the government unequal fund distribution scheme. The government spends the more money on the former one to address the issues of traffic jams and pollution than on the latter one(Do not write one with former and latter.)

1. These are not the most suitable words to express this idea. Note the words I have used. However, there is a yawning (huge/ unbridgable) gap between urban and rural transport systems due to unequal allocation of government finances.

After reading this introduction, an examiner will gain the impression that you lack lexical resources to express your ideas clearly and specifically.

Initially, (This word does not make any sense in the current context.) the process of migration has been gradually increasing the percentage of human population in the cities. It translates to more usage of private vehicles and ultimately to more an increasingly large number of private vehicles that lead to road congestions and pollution, both air and noise. (2) That’s why (missing subject. Who is spending?) (3) are spending To address this issue, governments spend a huge amount of money to make the urban public transit system more comfortable and convenient than ever before so that they can shift people‘s choices to this system (so that people abandon their vehicles and use buses and metros.). For instances, buses that are running run (operate) in Punjab’s big prominent cities like Patiala have far better facilities such as central heating and cooling system and armchair than that are communicating those that commute in the smaller villages with broken windows and shortage of space. (4)

2. Note the sentence structure: “It leads to A that leads to B.”

3. “That’s why” is an informal way of writing. Note that I have made it formal. Also, a missing subject makes a sentence fragmented. You will lose bands in GR for writing an informal and fragmented sentence.

4. Note that I have changed the Present Continuous Tense to Simple Present Tense. Also, communicate is wrong. The right word is commute.

The above paragraph is weak in LR. GR is lacking at a few places. You have made a nice attempt in developing arguments (TR).

To solve these problems, the government and individuals can take some serious measures. The government should allocate the funds (5) after carefully (diligently) analyzing and considering the (analyzing includes considering) various factors in terms of such as (6) roads conditions, buses and railway services in a particular region. After careful consideration, they should provide more funds to the worst least developed (make a better word choice) transportation system of the countryside than the well running system of the cities. Secondly, local regulatory bodies of rural communities should make sure (should ensure) that the provided funds are using used (spent/ utilized/ invested) responsibly to upgrade the existing transportation system. Finally, individuals should feel more responsible obliged (avoid repeating responsibletowards their village and actively raise their voice about the transportation difficulties they are facing face in their area regarding the transit problems.

5. the funds = specific funds. Which funds are you referring to? It is better to write: the infrastructure funds

6. In terms of = regarding something; Such as = example.

Though you’ve raised three points well, there are a few lexical resource issues. 

In conclusion, since funds are a limited resource (funds are scarce thesedays) limited resources, the government needs to be more prudent in using them considerate in terms of using them. (“in terms of” is incorrect) With the active cooperation of the government, regulatory bodies, and individuals, the present rural transport system can make few steps forwards progress (advance) in the direction of development.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.