Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Buy More Cars.

As a country develops, people tend to buy more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The following essay has a number of lexical resource issues. The words used are not the most appropriate. Please note that while paraphrasing the question statement, you should not use synonyms for NOUNS. Otherwise, you carry the risk of altering the meaning of the question.

WHICH – If it is an adjective pronoun, it must be placed next to the word it modifies. That is, if it gives a quality of a noun, it should be placed next to that noun. In your second paragraph, which mentions the quality of safety systems. It must be placed next of safety systems and not highways.

Also, note that you do not need to write cohesive devices everywhere. If these devices are unnecessary, IELTS examiner will deduct bands. There are a few “implicit cohesive devices” (that are not clearly cohesive, but they promote cohesion) that should be used. These include pronouns such as THEY, IT, THIS. In the second sentence of the second paragraph, you’ve used these vehicles. This is sufficient to promote cohesion. There is no need to write In other words.

Video on the right usage of HOWEVER:

people tend to buy more cars IELTS 1people tend to buy more cars IELTS 2people tend to buy more cars IELTS 4people tend to buy more cars IELTS 3

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