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IELTS Essay Correction: Local Shops And Shopping Malls.

In recent years many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Change is an inevitable part of our lives. It is indeed undeniable that Undeniably, individual outlets are largely being replaced by shopping centers everywhere. More international brands prefer to invest in malls as they believe high gentry’ customers go there and hence can get more profit with enhanced sales. (This is not a body paragraph. You do not need to explain anything.) I think this is a positive development as it leads to higher profits for companies and numerous options for customers. (Mention reasons.)

The (You’re not talking about a specific type of customers. GR.) customers tend to ponder (You can ponder about an issue but not about research. LR issue.) conduct a large amount of research before investing their money into (redundant words.) purchasing any article. Shopping malls makes make this comparison much easier since it they offer offers multiple options under one roof. (Let us make it more specific.) While a local shop in Toronto displays a few hundred products, Walmart and Loblaws centers showcase thousands. Also, landing into a one (a = one) place for multiple tasks like purchasing groceries, clothes saves a lot of traveling time. To exemplify, the stores like lifestyle or Westside offers hundreds of products from different brands in the single outlet thus providing and, thus, provide us with the latest and in trend trendy (fashionable) articles. (1) This also puts a check on unnecessary pricing by the shopkeepers as the consumer can easily move to the other shops. (Oops! The idea is neither clear nor explained. Which other shops? Do not raise an idea if you’re not planning to explain it.)

1. This sentence has two independent clauses. They are connected. But, they are not dependent on each other for their existence. You can’t connect two independent clauses with THUS. You need a connector (AND) or a period. Moreover, THUS is an introductory phrase. It needs to be separated from the main sentence through commas.

In addition to this, owing to the extremities of the weather conditions(2) malls are becoming a convenient place to do shopping as the shops they are fully air-conditioned with a controlled environment. The food outlets and gaming zones in every mall is are an additional advantages, especially for parents shopping with their kids. They can always shop hassle-free while kids can spend fun time playing games.

2. Separate this from the main sentence using a comma. Note that there are two types of structures: “Since X, Y” “X since Y”; “Due to X, Y” “X due to Y”; “Owing to X, Y” “X owing to Y”. Can you see the pattern in the use of a comma?

To conclude, looking at multiple benefits that shopping centres offer, it is definitely a forward step in development. they are definitely a need of the hour. (The meaning of ‘forward step in development’ is not clear. This is vague.) Although it has they have affected the economy of the local shops but (do not use but with although.) to modernise with the changing world is the need of the hour. (Although they have affected the economy of local shops, they offer choice to customers at a reasonable price.)

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