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IELTS Essay Correction: Technology And Environmental Problems.

Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution to these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Technological improvements such as automobiles and mobile phones have caused serious environmental problems. Some people claim people should adopt a simpler lifestyle that a simpler lifestyle can solve these issues, while others believe this development could address environmental issues only technology can solve them. I agree with the latter statement. (Use these issues and them to refer back to environmental issues. Avoid repeating people. Technological improvements is plural. This development can’t refer back to it.)

On the one hand, technology brings unimaginable electronic wastes to the earth. People nowadays change their electric devices such as smartphone almost every year. However, (Wrong use of however. The two statements are not in contrast.) current recycled skills recycling infrastructure (LR) cannot keep up with the speed of improvement in electronics technology. In fact, research shows that last year almost 1 billion of the cellphones were abandoned irresponsibly discarded (trashed) by people. (You can’t abandon a non-living thing. LR.) However, (correct use of however.) only 10% of such wastes could be recycled properly, and most of them were it was put in the landfills or burnt in incinerators. Once the chemical materials in the electronic devices decompose, the natural lands and air will be are polluted. Thus, advocators advocates of this opinion believe that people should stop relying on technology and returning return to traditional non-polluting devices no electronic devices’ life(LR)

There are numerous LR issues in the above paragraph. But, you have made a good effort in developing arguments in a specific manner. Good job!

On the other hand, some people believe that technology such as electronic vehicles could help humanity to solve pollution problems. Inventing electronic cars is a salient example. Vehicles powered by fossil fuels, which emit lots of exhaust and cause serious air pollutions problems, could can now be replaced by environmental-friendly electronic cars. Advocators of this opinion believe that (no need to write this again since you’ve used this in BP 1. This indicates that you have crammed the structure. The examiner will deduct bands for this.) the current environmental problems that are caused by technological improvements could can only be solved by future development. There is no need to stop this trend and adopt an original lifestyle.

From my perspective, the development in technology change is a double-edged sword swords to environment protection that is destroying the environment in some areas and has potential to protect it in others. But I believe that (The previous sentence is also your belief. You wrote From my perspective.) if people used use technology wisely and proportionately, most of the environmental problems could be settled.

LR is your Achilles Heel.

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