Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: University Education Should Be Free For Everyone.

EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE EDUCATED. IT IS UNFAIR THAT INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE NOT ADMITTED TO PRIVATE UNIVERSITIES BECAUSE OF THEIR FINANCIAL BACKGROUND. UNIVERSITY EDUCATION SHOULD BE FREE FOR EVERYONE.

DO YOU AGREE/DISAGREE?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Education plays a crucial role in ensuring the success of a person. Hence, (Do not use concluding words in the introduction. – 1) I completely agree that it should be free on the tertiary level in spite of the weak irrespective of his financial background. As it It would not only bring parity in the society but also would provide students an opportunity to explore the career of their own choice. (Would not only X but also Y – Would is common for both.)

1. Restructure (SINCE X, Y): Since education plays a crucial role in ensuring the success of an individual, I believe it should be free for everyone.

Free tertiary education would bring equality in the (you’re not talking about a specific society) society. The opportunity to education is not available equally to all the sections of a community due to the unequal distribution of monetary resources. For example, in India, the children of rich parents study in renowned western universities such as Princeton whereas the children those from poor families have a deplorable quality of education in government colleges. (let us write a bit more precisely) Consequently, a child is not able to compete professionally with those of rich families which results in a gap between the communities. (Though the sentence is fine, there are a few issues. Which ‘child’? What ‘gap between the communities’? These are vague.) (This huge gap in education results in poor employment opportunities for the unprivileged and they are caught in the cycle of poverty.) Hence, the government can ensure all colleges to deliver them university (unnecessary word. LR issue.) education free of cost to achieve equal employment opportunities irrespective of their backgrounds.

Moreover, making university education free would provide more exciting/ vibrant career options. Since since (connect the two sentences. Otherwise, the use of since is incorrect in this context.) majority of parents cannot afford the hefty fees of professional courses such as engineering and medicine doctorate. This inability hampers the a child’s future as they are not able unable to study a subject of their interest. Therefore, private institutions which charge huge amount of fees will not be able to exploit intelligent students if the education is free. (Where does exploitation come in picture? Your point is about more career options.) Free professional education will remove financial hindrances that prevent a student from exploring her interest and developing her full potential. Also, being able to study their favorite subjects would make students more efficient workers which would benefit the a nation’s economy.

To conclude, I believe that the tertiary education ought to be free for all to make education system fair with equal opportunities for all applicants. Hence the government should regulate this (Regulate what? There is no clear reference. Regulate tertiary education or education system or applicants?) as an educated population is the biggest asset of any nation.

The student has made a nice attempt in developing arguments in a logical manner. This will help her score well in TR. However, the essay is lacking in lexical resources, specific response (due to vagueness at a few places). 

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