Some people want academic subjects such as history and physics to be taught at secondary school. Others want practical skills such as mechanical and gardening to be taught. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
Education is not optional for those who want to climb the stairs of success. While some people opine that the school education system should focus more on academic subjects since they lay a strong foundation for better understanding, others suggest
that a school should pay more attention towards teaching the practical skills are more crucial as these skills help students begin earning at an early age. In my opinion, an optimum mixture of both academic and practical is important to build a strong career. (Great introduction. The structure of the second sentence is good. Try writing more concisely.)
Academic studies broaden (widen) (Broad is an adjective. Here, academic studies are taking an action. The action is of broadening the knowledge base. Use the VERB – broaden.) the knowledge base of students by providing a detailed understanding (While detail is a noun, detailed is an adjective. You are qualifying a verb – understanding. Use the adjective form. LR.) of various concepts. Without the proper knowledge of the heart’s structure and its physiological function, a doctor
could can not treat heart-related (cardiac) diseases. (Perfect use of a modifier. Good job!) Only academic subjects like Anatomy and Physiology can enrich him with this information. Moreover, studying these subjects provides the rationale behind every step of a particular practical procedure. For instance, only nursing students who are aware of that hand washing hands before every nursing procedure is done to maintain the sterilization are going to follow this step diligently before every procedure. Otherwise, they are going to skip it.
Though there are a few LR issues, you have done a commendable job in developing ideas in a precise manner.
On the other hand, students who learn practical skills during their school days can start
their earning at an early age. This early (avoid word repetition. It is understood that responsibility is at an early age.) responsibility and independence makes make (there are two subjects – responsibility and independence.) them a stable, mature, responsible, and couth citizen of a country. Along with this Also (Moreover), (Avoid repeating this) this early earning economic independence at a young age helps youngsters to fulfill their aspirations, which reduces the overall crime rate of the country. For instance, according to an Indian criminal psychology report, 30 percent of Indian the (It is understood that the youngsters are Indians) youngsters indulge in anti-social activities after failing to achieve an adequate education and a respectable job after failing to find a respectable job despite adequate academic education. (Let us show that academic knowledge is adequate, but they can’t find jobs due to lack of practical skills.)
In conclusion, I believe every student must learn academic as well as practical subjects so that they can have a better career choice at a later stage. Both are necessary for healthy and smooth functioning of our society.
Your essay is well written with adequate sentence structure, cohesion, coherence and task response. There are a few LR issues.