Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Fast Food Is Part Of Life.

Fast food is part of life in some place. Some people think this has bad effects on lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Part of a person’s everyday routine nowadays is eating commercial junk/ fast food. It is often argued that it has a negative impact both on lifestyle and diet. This essay totally agrees (The question is addressed to you, not to the essay.) with the statement because it causes certain diseases and lacks nutritional value.

Let us combine sentence 2 and 3. Since this is an opinion question, you should directly write: “I believe”. I believe that it negatively impacts lifestyle since it causes cardiovascular diseases (reason 1) and results in a severe nutritional loss in the body (reason 2).

Fast food chains are rampant (rampant is an adjective. It must be used with a noun. You have used it as a noun. That’s incorrect. LR.) everywhere. (These days, fast food chains are present everywhere.) Because of busier life, many people prefer to grab something to eat that this food since it is readily available in the market. (1) Consuming more junk foods such as pizza, burgers, and fries, and the likes, it increases the risk of acquiring cardiovascular-related (cardiovascular = related to the heart. LR.) disease which is are the number one (number one = leading. LR.) leading cause of morbidity. For example, 45% of middle-aged men suffered suffer from a stroke and, based on the medical report from the American Heart Association, (‘based on …. Association’ is a modifier. It is not a part of the main sentence. It gives additional information and must be placed with commas.) it is due to uncontrolled high blood pressure and increased blood sugar in the body that are related to overeating habits eating junk foods rich in oils, sugars, salts and fats(Overeating is not the same as consuming junk foods. TR.)

1 Note that ‘something to eat’ does not clearly refer to junk food. This not only reduces cohesion in the paragraph but also impacts coherence. There is a weak connection between 2nd and 3rd sentence since ‘something to eat’ does not connect with ‘junk food’.

Moreover, most (missing connector – moreover.) of the young children needs need (use a plural form of the verb with a plural subject.) more vitamins and minerals in the body system, thus (The previous part of this sentence does not lead to this conclusion. Wrong.) eating junk food is not beneficial since it lacks nutrition. (Moreover, young children need vitamins and minerals for normal growth and since junk food lacks these essential nutrients, it hampers their physical and mental growth.) Undeniably, many individuals these days are overweight and obese because of increase intake of carbohydrates and calories found in it the fast food. (We’ve used IT to refer back to junk food.) Uncontrolled consumption of these kinds of foods brings harm to people’s health in the long run because it consists of bad nutrients that are unnecessary to the body. (The sentence is vague. What bad effects? You’ve already mentioned everything about nutrients. What ‘bad nutrients’? Uncontrolled consumption of these foods leads to overweight and lazy children who have weak muscles, poor eye sight and inferior immune system.) (Be Specific – TR and LR.) For instance, Asia’s youngest recorded obese is an eight-year-old Indonesian child weighing 80 kilograms and, at an early age, he was diagnosed of with type 2 diabetes.

There are numerous LR and TR issues in both body paragraphs.

In conclusion, junk foods food are is (You’ve used a singular pronoun – it) unhealthy because it can cause various diseases that are linked with the way people live their life and I, therefore, believe that it is not recommended to all ages.

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