Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Born With Talents.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is often argued by many that some people possess innate talents, such as for sports or music, (1) while others opine that any skill could can be learned. Although some skills are natural and God-gifted, I believe that hard work and practice is the key to master any art.

1. Such as gives examples of innate talents. ‘For sports’ is not a talent. The question statement correctly uses “for instance”.

On the one hand, it is believed by some that many people some people believe that a few individuals have inborn (innate) talents, which others do not have and I disagree. (You’ve already expressed your disagreement with this in the introduction.) It is thought because such people They are either naturally good at what they do or they have inherited it from their parents. (Parallelism: Either X or Y. The first words of X and Y should be parallel. naturally good = verb; they = pronoun; have = verb.) These abilities help them to excel in their fields without much effort. For instance, an interview of the famous footballer, Ronaldo, broadcasted in the BBC News in the year 2015, revealed that he had been winning football championship since his school days, though he never practiced much. He was born with an innate talent for football. (Complete the argument to develop proper context in the essay.)

On the other hand, it is also thought that any young person can be taught how to become a commendable competent athlete or a musician and I agree (The word commendable is used in the context of an activity, not an occupation. A commendable job. LR mistake). The main reason for this is that (Redundant words. The sentence is still complete and there is no loss of cohesion with the previous sentence. Avoid this to graduate to 7.5 or above.) proper training, mentorship, and dedication can polish one’s skills and they he can triumph in their his chosen fields. Untiring effort can teach anyone the skills they want to learn. For example, a survey by The Straits, in the year 2015, reported that in the United Kingdom, 95% of the artists who showcased their paintings in The Art Gallery learned painting when they were in school and rigorous hard work taught them this art. (You’ve already used this type of example in BP 1. It is better to change the nature of example. For instance, I was not born with an innate talent for computer engineering. However, with proper training in C and C++ languages during undergraduation, I developed an inclination towards the subject and later joined a multinational company as a computer engineer.)

In conclusion, although it is thought that some people are born with unlearned talent, (born with talent = unlearned) I believe that youngsters can learn any skill if they practice it consistently and with determination.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.