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IELTS Essay Correction: People Moving To Big Cities.

Nowadays people are moving to big cities. What are the reasons for it? Is it a good or bad thing. Please provide your opinion and include relevant examples from your personal experience or study. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

There is a rapid increase in urbanization (What is the purpose of this clause? It must be placed as a dependent clause – 1) and people migrate to urban places due to better infrastructure and increased work opportunities. I believe it has an adverse effect on an individual. 

1. Better sentence structure: With a rapid increase in urbanization, the infrastructure and job opportunities in cities are superior and people prefer to migrate to these areas.

People migrate to distant places (‘Distant places’ is not the same as urban areas.) in search of work. It not only provides them a high salary, but also (provides and various are not parallel) various facilities (It provides them not only higher salary but also various facilities ….) such as exclusive insurance package for themselves and their families, and a cab to commute to the office. This helps them feel comfortable and secured, and also encourages other people to migrate. Furthermore, residential places (This is not the same as urban areas.) have better infrastructure compared to lousy buildings in rural areas. A plethora of recreational activities are also present in them which keeps keep the a person (this is not a specific person but any person) entertained and motivated at the same time. It also helps They also help the person to stay fit.

On the flip side, this trend has an adverse impact on a person. It weakens the family relations since, people shift to places far away from their parents. Though they talk to their parents daily, they often hide their true feelings and ignore the needs of their parents. For instance, a recent study at Harvard University revealed that 90 percent of people who lives live in urban cities (cities are urban) prefer to hire a nurse for their parents and often fail to understand that their parents need their a child to be with them instead of a caretaker. (Them, their should refer to the same noun. Pronoun reference mistake. Also, where does this mention that parents are living away from their children? Are they in rural areas? Have children migrated? Loss of task response.)

For instance, since migrating to Delhi from a nearby rural area, I rarely get time to visit my parents who live alone in the village ancestral house. This has compelled them to rely on a caretaker and they suffer from various psychological issues due to a long separation from their children.

To recapitulate, though a high-rise building and a comfortable and secure lifestyle attract a person to urban cities, it impacts the family relations. People often fail to understand the needs of their parents during old age. 

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