Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Working People Get Little Or No Exercise.

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result.

Why do many working people not get enough exercise?

What can be done about this problem?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, many professionals are seems seem to have various health issues which are caused by lack of physical activities in their routine lives. Profesional people They (use a pronoun for referencing. Do not repeat the words.) have lots of responsibilities and engagements which let compel (wrong word choice – letthem to overlook their health. Other important reason is the gift of science i.e. automation. (1) However, this can be catered (You can cater needs, not problems. LR.) easily if an individual plans their time efficiently and makes intelligent use of machines.

1. You should mention the reasons succinctly. Let me connect the ideas in both sentences in a single sentence: This is not only due to heavy professional responsibilities but also because of massive automation.

First of all, the main reason (Write any one of the two.) for less exercise is commitments, (Oops! 2) usually people have to work about 10 hours a day due to which they try to fulfill their other responsibilities (You fulfill family responsibilities due to 10 hours of work? See 2 below.) such as family and give less priority to their health. (You’ve squeezed the entire argument in one sentence. You’ve also connected the independent clauses using commas. This is incorrect. Understand when to begin and end a sentence. See 2 below.) Secondly, the science world is also the main cause of (All causes can’t be the main cause. Avoid science world.) advancements in technology are responsible for physically inactive life as it brought everything to be is done by machines. For example, in older days, (Use commas here.) working people go travelled by foot at to their workplace, but, now, people use vehicles for transportation and even lifts which help an individual to perform less physical efforts.

2. Note that the clauses before and after the sentence are independent in nature. They do not depend on each other for their existence. They can’t be connected using a comma. Firstly, working people exercise less due to the overburden of work. They usually work for more than 12 hours a day and spend a few hours to fulfill personal and family commitments. This leaves little scope for physical exercise.

In order to overcome these problems, an individual is needs to do proper time management. For example, individuals they can spend time with their families while doing some physical activities such as playing table tennis, badminton, etc. Moreover, people should only (3) use machines only when it is essential or urgently required. For example, a person can keep some grace time while going to the workplace and instead of using lifts they can use stairs for reaching their desks.

3. Only use machines = use machines and nothing else; use machines only when = specific circumstances in which a person should use machines.

In nutshell, I believe that a working person have has to manage their time and try to avoid unnecessary use of science scientific innovation to have better health. Since, since they are the only one who can take care of this issue. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.