Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Doing Dangerous Sports.

People doing dangerous sports such as bungee jumping and scuba diving should be responsible for their own life and should not put the lives of rescue workers at risk. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Adventures sports such as bungee jumping and scuba diving are becoming increasingly popular. Some people think that one should try them on their own without putting the lives of the rescuers at stake. This essay will discuss why such activities should not be tried in the absence of rescue members. I disagree with this viewpoint and believe that they should not be tried in the absence of a trained rescue team.

There is no denying that these sports involve potential risks and, if there is a mishappening then , the life of the rescuer and the person trying that sport could can be jeopardized (Wrong word choice – Life can’t be jeopardized, plan or system can be. – 1) destroyed. If a bungee jumper, for instance, (For instance is an interruptor. It is not a part of the main sentence and must be separated using a comma.) encounters an accident in the sky then , the rescue worker will save that person by putting his life in danger as well. Therefore, such incidents can possibly consume two lives instead of one.

1. Note that in an “IF-THEN” clause, the structure is “IF (present tense), (future tense).” There is no need to write then. Just place a comma in its place.

The view stated in the above paragraph is not your opinion. You’ve disagreed with this in the introduction. You just need to EXPLAIN your opinion in an Agree/Disagree question. You can build the context by OPPOSING the other view. 

The onus of trying (Onus = burden. People try these for fun, not under any pressure.) these sports should not rest only with the individuals and the rescue squad should be there in case of an emergency. This is because members of such squads are professionally trained for preventing causalities (A missing word can change the meaning of your sentence.). So people who love adventure can fearlessly enjoy these sports in the presence of such parties only. (The arguments are poorly developed. See my paragraph below)

While people try these sports for fun, rescue squads should always be ready to act immediately in case of an emergency. They are trained to handle such situations and have the gear and first aid to save lives. A trained bungee jumper has knowledge of not only the equipment such as ropes and safety belts but also first aid in the event of a heart attack or bodily injury. They can administer basic medicine and band-aids to prevent loss of blood before an ambulance arrives. The absence of rescue workers will certainly lead to the death of an accident victim. (The last sentence opposes the other view. It is used to build context.)

This essay argued that accidents could can cost the lives of but at the same time they (THEY refers back to accidents. Are ACCIDENTS trained? GR.) are highly trained and are only there to save lives in case of emergencies. In my opinion, people should seek pleasure from these activities regardless of any fear and their safety should be an absolute imperative for the organizers of such activities.

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