Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Unsupervised Access To Internet.

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

With the proliferation in of technology, smartphones coupled with the internet are widely used by young people to perform various tasks.  This sometimes leads children to an unfavourable condition for children (The right placement of words to make proper sense.) since they are not mature enough to decide between right and wrong. I believe a government should impose strict laws and parents should monitor their child to tackle this problem. 

The government has to actively step forward to curb the side effects of the rising trend of internet surfing. It has to develop strict cyber laws and make sure the young people do not end up ruing their precious life in the influence of unauthentic malicious (use the most appropriate word.) content over the internet. For instance, many countries have banned the widely popular and psychologically harmful game ‘Blue Whale’.  However, this is was (They have banned it. Now, banning is in the past.) done after the game has had taken lives of more than 40 children across the globe. Whereas, (Wrong use of whereas. Not needed here. CC score suffers.) the contents of the games should be thoroughly analyzed and it they (refers to games) should be banned at the time of its their launch in the play store.

The question is about social media and ‘meeting and chatting with friends online’. It is not about online gaming. Stick to the question. TR score falls.

Nevertheless, (Wrong use of nevertheless. CC score suffers. Nevertheless = Despite what has been just said. It expresses contrast.) it is the duty of parents as well (Along with the government, it is the duty of the parents …..) to monitor the online activities of their children over the internet. (Are they monitoring over the internet? I’m sure children are using the internet and parents want to monitor that activity. Sentence structuring.) Every cell phone and a (Every is common for both.) computer has a parental control feature which should be activated for children below the age of 18. This allows parents to keep a check on their children and immediately warn them in case they (Their refers to parents, them and they refer to children. Pronoun mistake. – 1) do any suspicious activity. A recent report in The Hindu stated that parents of all the 40 children who died due to the game ‘Blue whale’ were had never bothered to check the online activities of their child. This negligence has given them the biggest shock of their lives.

1. Note that I’ve not used pronouns in this sentence. It is obvious to whom various parts of the sentence refer. This allows parents to keep a check on children and immediately issue a warning in the event of a suspicious activity.

Low bands in TR. Read the question carefully and respond to its needs.

To recapitulate, young people, due to their weak decision-making skills, are susceptible to harmful consequences when they use the internet. Thus, It’s it is the duty of both a the government and parents to safeguard them. Former The formet has to impose cyber laws and the latter have to supervise each online activity of their children.

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