Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Importance Of Natural World.

Today, many people do not realize how important the natural world is. Why is this? How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, the majority of people underestimate the value of the nature. (1) One of the reasons is that everything from food to shelter is easily (readily) available in our modern lifestyle. (Things are NOT available in lifestyle. They’re just available. There is also no need to use words like today or thesedays since you’ve used the present tense “IS”.) I believe that the education in the schools and general awareness in the society (Schools and society are not specific.) will help to stop the deterioration of the nature.

1. Note that the is used to indicate specificity. Value of what? nature. So, value is specific in nature. Nature are general. Similarly, majority of what? People. So, majority is specific. You need to use the article the before value and majority.

Though there are a number of grammar mistakes in the introduction, you’ve made an excellent structure. You’ve mentioned the points you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs.

Unlike the prehistoric era, (ERA is general. PREHISTORIC is specific.) we do not struggle to get our (no need of our. This creates tautology.food, clothes, and medicines. We human do not realise that the abundance of such valuable items is directly linked to the natural resources. The forest, for instance, provides wood to build a home, herbs to produce medicines, and vegetation that we use (maintain the same structure “X to Y”. Wood to build, herbs to produce and vegetation to produce) to produce manufacture various food items. Many people do not know the intriguing journey of natural elements that how such items reach our home. (This sentence does not add any value. Moreover, natural elements do not have a journey. It is better to EXPLAIN the idea in a more specific manner.) We fail to understand that millions of acres of forests are destroyed every year to provide furniture in our homes since this does not impact us directly. This is the prominent reason that many people do not value the natural world.

In my view, (Of course, this is your view. No need to write this.) we should teach our children that how things at our home turned into a usable format are derived from nature through a series of activities. I would like to teach my son that a pencil, which (need an adjective pronoun to connect with pencilhe uses in school, comes from the forest wood. The simple story of manufacturing a lead pencil will certainly help him to fathom the richness of the nature. Such awareness amongst the school children will make them responsible individuals of our community and our fast moving society will start respecting the natural resources. This sentence does not add any value to the argument. It is better to write another similar point. Similarly, instead of visiting a famous city during holidays, I prefer to visit a jungle with my family. A visit to the Corbett National Park teaches about the significance of the forest, animals and birds for the survival of all living creatures on the Earth.

To conclude, easy availability of household things around us make our life convenient and we forget the nature we exploit to get such things. I support the idea of spreading awareness amongst school children so that the vanguards of our future do not overlook the natural resources.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.