Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Becoming Overweight.

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Sedentary lifestyle and change in eating habits of people has have led to obesity among them. (Note that there is no need to use people or them in this sentence. This will allow you to use people in the next sentence.) Some people think that this issue can be solved by increasing the price of fast food products. However, (Wrong use of HOWEVER. It is used to express contrast within the same set. Since your previous sentence is about the benefit of increasing prices, “HOWEVER” can be used to express the disadvantages of increasing prices.) I strongly disagree with the statement since people have not only busy schedule but also high addiction to fattening food.

Nowadays, people do not have time for cooking food due to their personal and professional commitments. They want to give a luxury lifestyle and a professional education to their children and, due to this, both parents have to work overtime. They get less insufficient time for cooking food since this it is a time-consuming task and they are forced to eat fattening readymade, deep-fried food. (Okay, so will an increase in the price of fast food solve this problem? The argument is not sufficiently developed.) The problem of lack of time to cook food at home can not be solved by increasing the price of fast food. A recent survey held by The Hindu in Infosys, an information technology company in Delhi, and has revealed that 57% married employees are were working in the company and out of them, 78% both partners are doing the job to earn bread and butter for their families. Thus, hike in price of fast food items will not be a good solution for such people. (The example is poorly developed. It is not related to the question.)

For example, I have been living in Banglore for the last five years and, due to paucity of time, I used to consume all meals at Pizza Hut or McDonald’s. Even after the recent increase in tax on fast food, I continued to consume these products since I do not have sufficient time to cook at home.

Moving further, people, who are addicted to junk food, feel good after eating it. This is because it contains the right mixture of fat, sugar, and salt to set off the pleasure chemicals in the brain. An increase in price is unlikely to change the consumption behaviour. Rather it Thus, an increase in the rates of fast food products will only benefit the companies, which sell them. (There are missing links in the argument.) For instance, Burger King, a fast food selling company, increased the prices of its products in December 2018. There was a 0.1% drop in the number of customers and this was a negligible drop as it serves 11 million customers daily.

In conclusion, a hike in the price of fattening food is not an appropriate solution for the problem of obesity among people as it will increase the financial burden on the pockets of people. Government should make public aware from of (aware of) the detrimental effects, such as high cholesterol and high blood pressure, of consuming junk food. This will lead to a healthy nation.

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