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IELTS Essay Correction: Local Food Vs Food From Other Areas.

In many countries, people can eat a wide variety of foods that are grown in other areas. As a result, they eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In some countries, people tend to (redundant words) enjoy food from other regions rather than the ones locally produced foods. (Avoid repeating food.I believe that the drawbacks of this trend outweigh its benefits since local farmers may lose a job and natural environment would be polluted.

If residents from one country continually buy food products from other nations, the consumption of foods from local areas will decrease. This would lead to farmers’ lower income for farmers. For instance, in Taiwan, my home country, more and more people prefer fruits from south-east countries, since they believe that the quality of fruits is higher in these areas. This has adversely impacted the Taiwanese horticulture (agriculture) both in terms of revenue and profit. However, this influence the Taiwanese fruits (too much repetition of the word “fruits“) sales volume. Farmers in Taiwan claim that they have lost the market share and the price of the native fruits has decreased unreasonably. They could not even earn any profits from the agriculture business. If this trend continues to grow in the future, local farmers may face an unemployment problem. (Sentence structure can be altered to make words optimal. Also, try writing concisely. Write the same idea in fewer words.)

Moreover, transporting foods between country to country from one country to another (1) cause unimaginable air pollution to the natural environment. The transportation of foods It (Refers back to transporting foods.requires burning fossil fuel to power aeroplanes or ships. In fact, scientific reports show that the exhaust emissions (the word emissions include exhaust) of one cruise ships are as the same as the emissions by one million cars. (Compare the comparables. Do not compare emissions from ships with cars.) In addition, chemicals used which keep food fresh during a long journey also causes pollution to the environment. Although domestic food delivery still also needs cars or trucks to transport food products, the amount of exhaust emissions from international food trade are significantly higher than that of domestic transport.

1. Note that there are two constructions – between X and Y; from X to Y. Do not mix the two.

Note that in the above paragraph, many words can be avoided. Also, sentence structure can be made better at a few places.

In conclusion, purchasing foods from foreign countries not only influences (purchasing foods = singular) not only (2) the agriculture economy of the import country but also the natural environment worldwide. I believe that every country should encourage the consumption of local farm produce only.

2. It influences two things – Agriculture; Natural environment. Keep influences outside ‘not only X but also Y’ construction. This will also help maintain parallelism.

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