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IELTS Essay Correction: Weddings More Expensive Than In The Past.

In many cases, weddings are expensive as compared to the past. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Earlier, (EARLIER is an introductory word. It is not a part of the main sentence. It sets the time for the sentence and must be separated using a comma.) marriage ceremonies did not cost much but, nowadays, (NOWADAYS has the same function as EARLIER. Separate it from the main sentence using two commas.) people are extravagantly spending on them.  Their improved financial conditions and show-off nature are the reasons behind this expenditure but . However, this can even leave a person in debt. (Avoid repeating BUT. HOWEVER has the same function as EARLIER. It is also an introductory word and must be separated from the main sentence using a comma.)

People in the past did not possess much money to spend on weddings but (Overuse of BUT. We’ve used BUT and HOWEVER. To express contrast, let us use WHILE.) in recent decades, due to rapid developments in social, economic and financial sectors they are wealthier as compared to those in the past. (While people in the past did not possess much wealth to spend on weddings, these days, due to rapid developments in finance and society, (this is a modifier. Place it within commas.) they are wealthier.) Since they have money, they can spend it on these special events. They also do this to showcase their wealth to the society. It is irrefutably true that the society we live in, (no comma here) respects the people with money. Hence, it gives individuals a sense of satisfaction as it (Use IT very wisely. Do not overuse it.) is perceived by them that by showing their monetary status they can earn respect and elevate their social standing. (This is a rephrasing of the previous sentence. It does not add value to the paragraph.) (Lavish spending on food, jewelry, clothes, and decoration weddings is a way to display wealth and earn society’s respect.)

Although the financial status of the people have has (subject – financial status) considerably improved than it used to be, there are still some sections (The use of ARE demands more than one SECTION.) of people who have a limited access to money. This section of These people often get fascinated by the lavish celebrations and try to do the same by either borrowing money or through taking bank loans. (Parallelism – EITHER X OR Y. X and Y should be parallel. The first words of X and Y should have the same form and structure. Let us make them verbs.) Sometimes they spend more than enough and, because of the over-expenditure, (This is a modifier. Place it within commas.) it becomes hard for them to pay back the borrowed money which leaves them into severe debt. (The last sentence is a rephrasing of the second sentence. It does not offer anything new. You’ve mentioned the same thing – borrow money, over-expenditure. Let us give an example: For example, many farmers in India are poor and, still, they borrow money during the wedding of their daughters to entertain their relatives and to pay dowery, a decadent Indian custom. This pushes them into poverty and many, unfortunately, commit suicide.) (Note the words in green. They are either introductory words or modifiers.)

In conclusion, marriages now are a big affair because mostly people have sufficient money which they like to show to the society and the one who have inadequate resources are often trapped in debt.  In my opinion, spending money on marriage functions to make them grand events is a sheer waste of funds. It would be a much better choice if these funds are allocated to the underprivileged sections of the society. (The question does not ask for colutions. There’s nothing wrong in this. But, you should devote energy in developing your arguments instead of writing something which is not asked.)

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