Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Get More Freedom Than In The Past.

Parents nowadays give more freedom to their kids as compared with the past. Is this a positive development or negative?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Unlike past, procreators (1) parents, nowadays, grant more freedom to their offspring as there has been a tremendous change in the lifestyle, social setup, and working environment. I believe that although this phenomenon motivates children to attempt and learn new things, I believe that this change in the thought process of parents is largely a negative development owing to its dire consequences on the children and on the society at large(It is better to MENTION the dire consequences.)

I guess you think this has both advantages and disadvantages. Use I believe in the beginning. You’re supposed to give your opinion and explain it. If ADVANTAGES are not a part of your opinion, BP 1 will be incorrect. The first sentence of BP 2 suggests that you do not believe in the advantages of this phenomenon. This will reduce the TR score for BP 1.

1. If you think that using fancy words will fetch bands, you’re mistaken. Not all procreators act as parents. Do not restrict parents role to mere reproduction.

Admittedly, the cardinal advantage of allowing children to act and behave the way they want is that, (do not use a comma after that) it empowers them to assess their capabilities in a constructive way. There is no doubt about the fact that Undoubtedly, childhood is the formative period and impression formed during the stage lasts for a longer (longer than what?) long duration. In this period, if the freedom is given by the parents parents give freedom, (note that I’ve used the ACTIVE voice and deleted the.) a child will attempt and try to experiment with all the things on his way. By doing so, he will learn about his innate qualities and capabilities. Consequently, by honing and mending them, he can cast himself as an individual with an impeccable character.

Despite the aforementioned favorable outcome, I believe that, (no comma here) owing to the dire consequences on children and on society, giving excessive (unnecessary) liberty (Context: Parents gave liberty in the past as well. But, these days, they give more liberty than in the past.) to children is a negative development. Children They are naive and impressionable, and, because of this, they are deemed as (why use deem? It seems incorrect.) an immediate target of all the evils of the society such as Juvenile delinquency and drugs trafficking if they are left unmonitored by their guardians(This sentence has become too complicated and weird. Let us break it into two and use the ACTIVE voice.) If parents do not regulate their activities and continuously monitor them, they can easily fall prey to these evils.

Furthermore, society would also (included in furthermore) be impacted if a free hand is given to the children. In various instances, we often observe that children drive cars and bikes without having a valid driving license. (Is this because of excessive freedom?) They are absolutely unaware of the perils of the bad irresponsible and rash driving, and this may lead to loss of life and property. bring the life of common people at risk. For instance, over the last two decades, the incidents of road accidents because of children attempting to drive underage driving has have surged significantly and this has costed cost thousands of lives as well (= and. You’ve used and earlier in the sentence.). In order to curb this situation, the Indian government has enacted a law that if a child is found driving any vehicle, parents of the child will be held accountable and punitive action will be taken against them. You’re not supposed to suggest a solution. Instead of exerting your energy here, try to develop better context. The second part of this paragraph lacks context. Loss of TR.

In conclusion, while I recognize the possible favorable outcome of awarding autonomy to children, (Your introduction and the first sentence of the BP 2 suggest otherwise.) I believe that the repercussions of this notion on the children and on the society proves prove this has is a negative development and parents must control the reins of rein (= control) their children in order to make them dignified citizens of this world.

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