Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Private Vs Public Health Care.

Some people think that private health care is better for the people. Others say that health care should be free of charge and run by the government. How far do you agree or disagree with the statement given?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Endowing up to date health facilities to dwellers are ought of the state. (Hold it buddy! Endow is specifically related to giving MONEY. You’ve used the word incorrectly. You can’t endow health facilities. That’s incorrect. Dwellers? That is not an optimum alternative for citizens. You will lose LR score for these two words. What is “OUGHT of the state”? That’s a wrong use of the word ought. You have failed to communicate an idea due to the wrong use of several words.) One school of thought avers that private clinics are the first choice of civilians rather than government’s hospital due to availability of latest equipments. I concur with the statement but it would not be wise to turn a blind eye over the privileges of charitable hospitals.

At the outset, (This is not the outset. You’ve begun your essay with the introduction.) private clinics enrolled enrol well (there’s nothing called well qualified. There’s just qualified.qualified staff members who have completed their studies from first world countries, (These are two independent clauses. None of them is dependent on the other. You can’t connect them using a comma. Use a full stop. Punctuation mistake. GR score suffers.) t . These professionals endeavor to serve the patient with the same process which they have acquired during their training under eminent (eminent what? Eminent is an adjective. It needs a noun to survive. LR mistake.) professors to cure the patient in short span of time. Another vital point is Also, (Use a short cohesive device. Brevity is widely respected in all English language exams.) these health care centers (Wrong word choice. A hospital can’t CATER machines. A hospital CATERS to patients. LR issue.) cater are equipped with all the latest machines such as medical resonance imaging, x-ray these machines which (1) can comfortably scan the patient body and these (do not repeat scan) scanned reports (these demands a plural noun.) assist the physician to identified identify the root cause of disease. Moreover, emergency services of these clinics remain open around the clock and it has been observed that with the help of this service numerous patients are saved from the brink of death. However, sometime these hospital over charged the patient to lift increase their profit.

1. If you write these machines, this will count as an independent clause. An independent clause must be separated from another independent clause through a period. Let me convert that independent clause into a dependent one by writing WHICH. Then, there is no need for a full stop.

On the contrary, government hospitals are available in every city, t . Therefore, inhabitants can easily visit for a checkup. (Are private hospitals not available? Please develop the complete argument. – 2) Adding to this, these health care centers are funded by the authority and affluent civilians t Thereby, the treatment fee in predominantly in most of the cases (When you’re COUNTING the cases, the word predominent is incorrect.) is approximately zero. The downsides of these hospitals are that they remain overcrowded and, due to this, always run out from prerequisite (What are prerequisite resources? Weird and vague. Lose bands for LR and TR.) resources.

2. On the contrary, while government hospitals are available in every town, private hospitals are present in metropolitan cities only. Therefore, it is convenient for villagers to visit the former for a checkup.

Note that when a sentence is not clear (poor communication) due to wrong words, you not only lose bands for LR but also for TR.

On the whole, it is axiomatic from the aforementioned statements that, both types of health cares have their own pros and cons but still private clinics have an edge over public clinics.

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