Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: More Freedom To Children.

Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Since modern parents give more liberty to their children as compared to the parents in the past old time, (You can’t compare modern parents with old time. Compare Apples with Apples.) (1) age of emancipation (2) for such children starts early. This provides an excellent opportunity of for gaining confidence to young people.

1. You can prevent the repetition of parents in this sentence by changing the subject from  modern parents to parents. Since parents in modern times give more ……. as compared to those in the past, they begin taking independent decisions early.

2. Emancipation = The process of giving freedom to people. The word seems unsuitable since it is political in nature. This is wrong in the context of children. The Indian people gained emancipation from British rule after a century-long struggle. Instead of emancipation, you should write something like I’ve written in point 1.

In the present time, young children have a great level of understanding and they comprehend better greater power to take independent decisions and grasp numerous ideas than the children in the past. (What do you mean by great level of understanding and comprehend better? Be more specific. This is vague.) This is because of the freedom that they receive from their parents and this level of liberty in at an early age encourages them to learn without any fear. If we compare the present time to the past, we will find that (No need to write this. You’ve already mentioned in the first sentence that you’re comparing children in the present with those in the past.) the conscience level of the children now is better and they fathom complex things easily. (Fathom complex things does not explain comprehend better sufficiently.) One great example is of operating mobile phones and smart gadgets by children. Young children get their hands on smartphones so quickly that sometimes parents feel that they are not intelligent enough to handle their own devices. (The former their refers to children, the latter refers to parents. Pronoun mistake.)

Build a stronger example:

Later, when such these children start their adult life, their ability to grasp things efficiently helps them to become successful in professional and personal life. They not only handle difficult tasks but also manage their work-life balance better than the previous generation. (Please explain HOW. Freedom during childhood enables children to explore books and do odd-jobs which give them confidence and communication skills and build an ability to find solutions to problems. This also enables them to think optimistically and never feel depressed or dejected during difficult circumstances,) Their great ability of thinking positively (How is this related to freedom during childhood? Establish proper links. Note that I have connected books and jobs with confidence, communication skills, finding solutions and thinking optimistically.) enables them to maintain good relations rapport (avoid repeating relationswith their superiors and it also reflects their smooth relation at home with their spouses. (HOW?) The arguments are not strongly built.

In conclusion, freedom at during childhood turns young children into confident people. They accept and complete the challenges which life throws and they manage their life in a better way than the children from their parent’s childhood.

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