Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Helping Others.

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people argue that we, as a community or nation, (1) should not help people in other countries as long as there are problems in our own society. To a certain extent, I agree with the idea of being concerned with fellow citizens, but I also believe some nations, which are economically strong and stable, should help those who that are under substandard conditions in other counties(Those refers to nations. Nations can’t be in other counties.) (should help those that are economically backward.)

1. The question is not about communities or nations helping each other. It is about us, the people, helping our own communities or communities in other countries.

Admittedly, a country’s first priority ought to be look after their its communities because their its people are the ones who perform their civic duties in hope to have of having a platform where they and their fellow citizens can shake off poverty and help themselves to improve their living standard. (The sentence is too long and wordy. You need to write sentences that are complex but can be easily comprehended by a reader. Let us break it down. – 2) For example, with the help of collected taxes, the Indian government funds some of the educational programs so that individuals can maximize their employment opportunities in today’s informational based economy. Clearly, a country has an obligation to help their its citizens first before helping other nations. (Avoid this sentence. Instead, write something that compares the two views.) If these funds are diverted for people of other countries, the local population will feel dejected and less prosperous.

2. Admittedly, the first priority of individuals is to help their fellow citizens rise above poverty. (Now explain why it is her duty.) They benefit from investments in education, infrastructure, and industry in their country and it is their moral duty to pay back to the system by helping the poor, deprived and disables in their society.

However, international humanitarian aid is a moral imperative. In order to enable recipient countries to return to a normal state, global community members have has a responsibility to provide relief to those nations who which are at a disadvantage in the event of any natural disaster or civil unrest. In an attempt to stabilize conditions in Syria, a war-torn country in the middle-east, the USA, for example, spends more than 30 million dollars each year as humanitarian aid. Using these funds for the US citizens will lead to instability, violence and poverty in the middle east which is detrimental to the United State’s long term interests. (Compare. Similar to what I suggested in BP 1.) Therefore nations which are economically strong must help other members who those that are at a disadvantage for the benefit good of humankind.

In conclusion, although countries which are developing might want to provide ways to improve their resident’s living standards, countries that are wealthy and have bigger economies must help people in other countries. 

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