Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Serious Health Problems Due To Overweight.

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

There is a rapid increase in the number of overweight people who are having have (maintain the same tense – Simple Present.) serious health issues. The principal reason for this is the over-consumption of poor quality food sustenance. (You can’t consume sustenance. It is not a substitute for food. LR issue.) This (What can be done? Principal reason? or Overconsumption? THIS does not refer to anything.) problem can be solved by creating awareness among people about the dangers of an unhealthy diet.

Despite the above mentioned issues, the structure of the introduction is good. You’ve mentioned the reasons and solutions that you plan to elaborate in the body paragraphs.

The majority of the people who are obese prefer to eat fatty food. They find it convenient to buy a readymade meal from foods chains, such as McDonald’s and Pizza Hut. The food from these outlets has a lower nutritional value but a higher calorie count. Thus, people gain an enormous amount of weight increasing which increases the risk of life-threatening health issues such as heart stroke and diabetes. For instance, a report by the National Health Service of the United Kingdom revealed that nearly 85 percent of the patients, who had a heart stroke in 2015, were habitual of eating fast food on a daily basis. As a result, they got heavier with time and suffered from various other (other than what?) diseases, such as arthritis and renal failure, along with the cardiovascular issues.

The arguments in the above paragraph are built in a logical fashion with appropriate grammatical resources and cohesion. Vocabulary with sufficient and correctly used. Good job!

A long-term solution to this predicament is to educate people about the dangers of an unhealthy diet. The government can launch a public awareness campaign in the media and in schools, (no comma before so thatso that people start to make making healthier choices. For example, the government of Canada launched an awareness campaign, five-a-day, in social and print media. It lobbied its citizens to eat five pieces of fruits and vegetables a day and this has resulted in significantly reduced the incidence of obesity-related illnesses falling by 50 percent (combine the two sentences. What was the positive impact? Be specific.) which improved their work productivity and life satisfaction scores. This had a positive impact on more than a million citizens as they started a healthier regime.

In conclusion, the number of people with serious health issues is on the rise because of the unhealthy food choices they make. This problem can be tackled by educating them about the dangers of consuming high-fat food.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.