Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Space Programs Vs Public Services.

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many nations are spending huge amounts on space programs for the past few years. Some people argue that this money can be better spent on alternative fields like education and medical services. (Education is not an alternative to space programs.) However, (Wrong use of HOWEVER. – 1) I completely disagree with this view point.

1. ‘However’ is used to express disagreement within the same view. That is, you can use it like: Drinking alcohol increases hemoglobin. However, its excessive intake is injurious for the heart. The statement expresses contrast within one item – ALCOHOL.

Spending money on space programs instead on of other vital services is justifiable in umpteen ways. Firstly, with the space exploration, mankind has got many benefits. Nowadays (justifiable = benefits. No need to write it again.) we can get accurate weather reports which only become possible with the cutting edge techniques used in space science. It is helpful for various fields (jump to the main point. Write specifically). To illustrate, farmers could plan their agricultural tasks depending on the expectancy of rainfall or sunshine the upcoming weather predictions (Weather predictions can’t be upcoming. That’s incorrect. LR issue.) (2). Secondly, many inventions and services rely on high-tech space programs. Sector of telecommunication is progressively expanding due to modern space programs. (It seems you’ve written this sentence irrationally. You need to be specific and explain the idea completely. How does telecom benefit from space exploration?) Telecommunications, these days, use satellites for building internet connectivity in remote areas. For instance, the Indian government has collaborated with Vodafone to provide basic internet services to the desert areas of Rajasthan through its communication satellites.

2. An example should be more specific than an idea statement. You’ve already used weather previously. Can you be a bit more specific? Write various elements of weather – rainfall, hail, storm, sunshine.

At the same time, due to various issues, it is quite possible that earth (… earth will not be able to sustain life for a long time.) would not remain the a safe place to habitat for human beings, so So, we need to be shifted shift (3) to another planet. With the drastic changes in the environment, continuous depletion of the ozone layer, and increasing (Perfect parallelism – drastic, continuous and increasing are adjectives. Good job!) water level in oceans etcetera the life on earth would be in danger so . So, it becomes mandatory to explore the space and find a new place for living which can only be feasible if desirable sufficient (enough/ adequate) funds would be invested on are invested in space programs. Furthermore, the realm of space science is also a vast sector of employment and innovation. Every year many aspirants desire to get a job in this field and put efforts to give new inventions to mankind. So (Overuse of SO in this essay. Please note that there is no need to SO with this sentence. It is obvious that this sentence is connected to the previous one.) by By restricting the funds to this sector, authorities will barricade the big an important source of employment and innovation. (You’ve not explained this idea specifically. What do you mean by employment? EXPLAIN. This sector provides jobs to not only scientists, managers and bureaucrats, but also to painters, assembly line workers, factory floor workers.)

3. Passive voice = missing subject. Is somebody shifting humans or are they shifting themselves?

In conclusion, undoubtedly space exploration becomes has become an inevitable part of the society. It is necessary for the legal authorities (legal authorities = police and courts.) to invest the appropriate funds on the public segments such as educational institutes; however, it would not be a wise idea that money would be taken out of space programs.

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