Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Music, Art, And Drama.

Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is often argued by some that music, art, and drama are as significant as other disciplines such as science and mathematics, particularly at in primary schoolThis essay (The question is addressed to you. Not to the essay.) totally agrees with the statement and first will discuss (Of course you will discuss these. There is no need to write this.) how these art subjects generate young student’s interest in studies and then will focus on how creativity is developed at an early age. I agree with this statement since arts improve a child’s creativity and generate an interest in studies.

Classrooms involving drama, music and art lessons are always so much appealing to almost all young learners. This is to say that (No need to write this. The second sentence is obviously an explanation of the first one. This is assumed to exist. No need to create overt cohesion in all sentences. On the contrary, such attempts may hamper your CC score.) these kinds of classes include plenty of practical work and physical involvement, and no textbooks are read which children often find tedious and laborious. are often found to be tedious for school beginners. (No textbooks = Arts are more important that science. The question is that arts are as important as science. – 1) Such interesting classes increase the class attendance of students as well. National data suggests that every seven out of ten schools spend equal time on teaching arts because they have understood the value of the subjects in motivating young minds for fascinating learning(The example has to be about ARTS. Not about SCHOOLS. Be specific. Your example is too general and vague. Painting, for instance, helps a child learn about various color combinations and observe the objects carefully. Similarly, drama enables children to communicate effectively and helps them learn teamwork.)

1. You need to restructure your ideas to score well in TR. Maintain proper context. Along with science textbooks which are important to build a critical and rational mind, these classes include plenty of practical work, games and physical tasks. These are crucial to lead an economically and socially successful life.

Another direct benefit of providing music and drama classes to school goers is the development of creativity. In other words, (Same mistake as made in BP 1.) some children learn more when they are involved in doing creative work on their own rather than just solving sums or learning a formula. (Is science less important? You seem to suggest so.) All the art subjects encourage creativity and talent to flourish and these creative skills are highly sought-after by employers. (The point is HOW does art promote creativity? EXPLAIN it. – 2) A survey conducted by The Sunday Times has revealed that privately run schools have more creative and successful students than the state schools and the key reason is their equal emphasis on music and drama subjects(The focus of example is on SCHOOLS and not on CREATIVITY.)

2. Do not beat around the bush. Elaborate your point. Compare with science while emphasising that both are equally important. Arts often force children to think and create new paintings, music, dance forms. For instance, painters and writers often choose their subjects from their thinking and not from the world around them. Science, on the other hand, is about the workings of the world around us. Though it is important, it does not encourage children to think creatively.

To conclude, it can be said that music and art subjects are essential for the primary level of education to create interest in children and their schooling which can also make them creative and talented.

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