Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Too Late To Learn.

Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is often argued by some that it is advantageous for the elderly to learn new skills, h . However, others would hold the view that there is no use of learning something new once a person reaches the age of 65. (1) In my opinion, (= I agree) I agree to with the former notion because given giving a chance to elderly people can help them in keeping stay fit and pass their old age years happily.

1. Do not cram any book’s structure. There are alternative ways to express the same idea without referring to ‘people above 65’ as ‘elderly’. There are conflicting opinions about whether a person above 65 years of age should learn new skills or not.

An opportunity to pursue new things can enhance one’s overall health irrespective of age. When an old person is taught to do something totally new and exciting, he can reap health benefits in terms of physical fitness and improved mental cognition while indulging any activity for the first time (= totally new. Repetition.). Dementia, for instance, is one of the most common diseases among old populations (2) and it is reported to be less prevalent in countries like Japan where most elderly are always interested to take part in different things. (3)

2. These are two independent clauses. Two different thoughts. They need a cohesive device to connect with each other. CC score will suffer.

3. The example can be made stronger by writing more specifically. Dementia, which is the most common disease among old people, is nearly absent in Japan as the elderly often engage in creative and new pursuits such as painting, dance, music, drama, linguistics, and sports. Note that there is no need to write for instance. Also, note that the construction involves the use of modifiers.

Besides this, participation in the pursuit of experiencing new (new what? NEW is an adjective. It needs a noun to exist.) seems to be enjoyment which can further boost up (boost includes up) one’s morale and zeal for leading a wonderful life. This is because anything new can keep a person away from mundane routines and boredom of old age life. This chance of learning new experiences activities definitely raises the confidence and interest in one’s life, by filling a new (there is a LOT of NEW in this sentence.) form of energy and enthusiasm. (This sentence needs to be restructured to avoid the repetition of the word NEW. It fills one’s life with energy and enthusiasm which are necessary to build confidence.) According to the results of a survey conducted by The Sunday Times have shown that Indian old population’s key to lead a happy and healthy long life is their unique passion to be a part of doing new unusual things which is due to the fact that they want to live their old age life not to simply pass it. This is NOT an example. For instance, learning computer coding after retirement creates new prospects for employment as a remote consultant or engineer. Similarly, grasping the art of handcrafting earns social recognition. These pursuits fill the elderly with energy and make them independent.

To conclude, I presume that it is really appreciated if our old generation continues (‘taking up’ is not a ‘hobby’.) the hobby of taking to take up new activities because by doing so, they are highly likely to be physically and mentally fit and can spend their last stage of life easily while enjoying to the fullest.

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