Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Problems And Benefits Of Film Stars.

Being a celebrity such as a film star or singer brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Renowned personalities of film or music industry earn a lot of name and fame in their lives. However, (Wrong use of HOWEVER. You are not contrasting the previous statement. For expressing contrast within a sentence, use ALTHOUGH.) Although the celebrity tag often offers them numerous benefits, I believe that the negative impacts it has on their privacy and relationships are far greater. (The introduction is well structured. Good job!)

On the one hand, it cannot be denied that they lead are leading the rich lives that everyone dreams of. They are generally paid enormously (handsomely) by the directors for their talents of acting or singing. In this way, they can enjoy all luxurious of the world, which a common man cannot even imagine. Another advantage of being famous is the immense love and support they receive from their fans. They become the idols or inspiration for their followers. For instance, Rajnikanth, a superstar of Tamil Nadu, is treated like a God and he is widely respected wherever he goes. He is given special treatment in all functions ranging from college festivals to marriages. Otherwise, (1) any normal person can never grab such attention. Therefore, (Wrong use of therefore. I can’t see how this sentence concludes the argument.) they easily become famous, unlike the other successful professionals. (The arguments are not strong. While the former can be made more specific, the latter is not well developed. What is the benefit of being famous? Elaborate as I have done in BLUE color.)

1. Wrong use of otherwise. “X, otherwise Y” – If you do not follow X, Y will happen.

However, (Despite already expresses contrast. No need of HOWEVER. There are numerous cohesion mistakes in your essay.) despite these positives, I believe that there are far more disadvantages associated with their lifestyle. First, it has is generally observed that their career spans are quite small in comparison to other professions, thereby, making them to work hard to save for early retirement. in order to compete with their counterparts (Wrong word. A counterpart is the person with the same designation in another part of the world. The Prime Minister met his counterparts to discuss the drug menace.). Therefore, they always have a pressure to outperform in their selected projects. Another drawback is that their personal lives are predisposed to be interfered by the media. For instance, whenever they go out from their homes, they remain are followed by the paparazzi. This excessive chasing by the media not only (Restrict is wrong in this context. It means they do not want to lead a normal life but they are compelled.) restricts them to lead prevents them from leading a normal life but also creates problems for them by making false assumptions. (Vague – “False assumptions” is not clear.) Even worse, they mostly fall prey to rumors that media spread about their relationships with their co-stars.

To sum up, while celebrities can live a luxurious lives having and have a high status in the society (You need to put a connector between two independent clauses.), they are more likely to feel pressurized for maintaining their position in the industry or suffer from the invasion of personal lives. Therefore, in my opinion, the downsides of celebrity life outweigh the upsides.

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