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IELTS Essay Correction: Living In High Rise Apartment Blocks

Many people think living in high-rise apartment blocks makes people feel lonely and unhappy, while others argue it has advantages. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people believe that multistory buildings have benefits for the residents people housing over there, but others have a different opinion that such type of accommodation makes them more lonely and stressful. I believe that although sky scrappers can provide private lifestyle and have affordable prices, yet (Correct construction: Although X, Y. Yet is incorrect.) due to a diverse population living there and lack of public places make (Do not use MAKE if you write DUE TO. Use a comma instead. The DUE TO part is a modifier if you write it in the beginning. – 1) people feel alone and sometimes mentally sick. (Restructure: Although sky scrappers can provide private lifestyle and have affordable prices, people feel alone and mentally sick due to a diversity of population.) While considering the negative aspects and benefits, I think some measures required to be taken to balance this. This sentence is unnecessary. You’ve stated your opinion in the previous sentence.

1. Note the following constructions: 1. X due to Y. 2. Due to X, Y. Same with because and since.

Less interference by others is one of the prominent reasons people feel prefer apartments for living a beneficial (A beneficial what? An adjective needs a noun to exist. people feel apartments are beneficial for living.). That is to say (No need to write this. Unnecessary cohesion will reduce your score.) In such type of housing system, people never bother about their neighbors either because of lack of time or interest. This can be better illustrated by a recent study which found that 74% of families living in flats did not know about their immediate neighbor’s occupation and culture. Therefore, people who do not want interference from others always prefer to live in these building blocks. (This sentence is the same as the first sentence of this paragraph. This will count as a repetition.) In addition to this, prices of flats are far lower than that those of houses, which means that an average salaried person can also afford to live in a two bedroom flat easily, while that could never be possible for him to buy a house on land. (Both apartments and independent houses are on land. Aren’t they? The argument is not properly developed – 2)

2. Additionally, the price of a flat is far lower than that of an independent house. While a falt in the suburbs of New York costs USD 100,000, an independent house costs more than a million dollars. It is impossible for a salaried, middle-class American to purchase a house in this region.

There are, however, some people who have different opinions. Firstly, in many cities, people living in flats belong to different communities and cultures which restrict them to have from having a common topic of conversation. As a result, (3) they start feeling alone and often become victims of depression and anxiety. (Add more to this sentence. This is too simple.) Secondly, most of the high-rise buildings have less facility fewer facilities (less is uncountable, fewer is countable. Facilities are countable.) such as playgrounds, parks, community halls and so on. Therefore, (3) people could are not able to mix with society and could not manage to cannot (are unable to) share their feelings with anyone. (In this sentence, COULD is the past form of CAN. This is incorrect as it takes the sentence in the “future of past”.) Thus, (3) lack of social circle makes them stressed and unhappy.

3. You have not used a comma after these introductory sentences. This is a punctuation mistake and it will impact your GR score.

In my opinion, living in the flats might have a plethora of advantages but, to escape from loneliness, people should take into consider the society where they want to buy a house for living. Furthermore, government authorities or regulatory bodies of housing should have a clear mandate to check the culture and environment of these high-rise building blocks.   

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