Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Exercise Good For Children.

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Exercise is considered to be advantageous for all age groups. Some argue that schools ought to teach physical study education and sports as mandatory subjects to all students since these empower their intellectual skills and allow them to read sports in depth. I am agree with this statement. (There are silly but important grammar mistakes in the introduction.)

Not only sports Sports help students to not only (1) help students to live a healthy life but also exhibit many skills such as team spirit, co-operation, and leadership. This also makes them competitive which will stand stands them in good stead when they grow up. For example, football sport teaches players how to co-operate with other teammates to achieve a common goal and strive to win against the other team. (The latter part expresses competition in sports.) Similarly, (The use of similarly is wrong if you’ve not mentioned competition in the previous sentence.) badminton influences them to get the first position by defeating other contestants. Moreover, physical movements which they perform while playing sports in the playgrounds destress them from the study’s burden (help them reduce academic stress) and break the monotony of the school curriculum and, as a result, they perform well in academics. (You’ve connected two independent clauses using a comma. That’s incorrect. Use AND.) A survey which held by the World Health Organization has revealed that students who play sports at least one hours hour in a day often get good better grades in exams than those who do not others. (This is NOT an example. In fact, there was no need to write one. You’ve already written one example in this paragraph.)

1. Parallelism – Sports help students to is common for X and Y of “Not only X but also Y”. The first words of X and Y should be parallel. These should have the same form and structure. LIVE and EXHIBIT are parallel.

Physical education allows children to gain deep (enough) knowledge about sports in a depth which is not available at in any other medium like the internet. By reading this subject in their curriculum continuously, they can This allows them to easily get gain proficiency in particular sport sports since this subject contains all rules and regulations about it (refers back to a particular sport) sports. It also helps them in playing a game accurately. A cricketer who has very little knowledge about the etiquettes of cricket could can not become a professional in the future. Consequently, physical education is necessary to instill vital knowledge about sports in children.

There are numerous lexical resource, sentence structuring issues in the above paragraph.

In conclusion, in my opinion, indulging including (you can indulge in an activity. But, you can’t indulge in a sport. LR issue.) sports and physical education as a compulsory subject in the school curriculum will enhance children’s several personal skills and develop their interest in sports. This will be beneficial for the formation of a healthy society.

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