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IELTS Essay Correction: Fixed Punishment For Each Type Of Crime.

Some people feel that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others feel that the circumstances of an offense should be taken into account when deciding on a punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Punishing criminals for their (This pronoun is unnecessary) offensive activities is necessary to maintain law and order in a society. While a significant number of people are in the favour of fixed punishment for each form of offence, others believe that the situation under which crime has been committed needs to be considered. I, however, (The use of HOWEVER is incorrect. There is no contrast with the previous sentence.) agree with the latter view.

On the one hand, advocates of fixed punishment believe that this approach can deter the crime in a better way. (Wrong use of the word deter. You can DETER someone, not something. India’s nuclear arsenal will deter China from waging a war. Also, you can simply DETER. There is nothing called ‘deter in a better way’.) criminals from committing a serious offence. If the offenders they have awareness about the punishment, they will definitely be reluctant to do any unlawful activity. As a result, crime rate will more likely to decline. Saudi Arabia, for instance, has recently ranked at the top in the low crime index because they have fixed punishments for heinous crimes such as murder and rape. For this reason, the residents of this country often hesitate to commit these crimes.

The arguments in the above paragraph are developed in a specific manner. The sentence structure, grammar, task achievement are fine. Avoid using the words that you do not understand completely.

On the other hand, I believe that every criminal activity needs to be judged after knowing about the circumstances that led to it. Since it is a well-known fact that the human mind acts differently in different situations, crime is no different. (SINCE is not the right construction here. SINCE X, Y = X leads to Y. Here, this does not hold. It is a well-known fact that the human mind acts differently in different circumstances and crime is no different.) To exemplify, o One person can murder someone through their deliberate intentions, while others may perform the same act just for the self-defense. (There is no need to write To exemplify.) Awarding the same punishment in both cases will amount to injustice since the latter is not a deliberate act. In this way, fixed punishment cannot do justice in every case. Therefore, the circumstances must be considered before giving any judgment about the punishment. This sentence conveys the same message as conveyed by the first sentence of this paragraph. It does not add new information.

To conclude, although fixed punishments can act as a deterrent for crime criminals and help in maintaining harmony in society, I believe that taking attendant (Oops! Another LR issue. ATTENDANT = Resulting from something. Crime and its attendant consequences. Circumstances are not a result of the crime. Crime is a result of circumstances. Wrong placement of the word.) circumstances into consideration while deciding upon punishment is a pragmatic approach.

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