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IELTS Essay Correction: Innate Talents.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Talents are essential for the economic growth of society. (A reader can’t see the direct connection between talents and society. Better to connect it with individuals. … for the financial and personal growth of an individual.) While some people believe that talents are innate since the person with talent (1) is proficient without working hard, others think that talents can be acquired with hard work, determination and guidance from a mentor. 

1. To avoid repeating TALENT, let us change the pronoun to INDIVIDUALS. While some people think that individuals have innate talents since THEY can achieve something without extreme hard work, …..

A number of eminent personalities who are the masters of their respective fields were inclined towards their interest these domains (these interests) since their (pronoun not needed) childhood. They pursued their passions without learning any techniques. Mohinder Singh Dhoni, an Indian cricketer, is a competent player. He who revealed in his autobiography that though he never practiced for cricket in at a young age, he was quite popular as a cricket star player in his the school competitions. Also, a famous poet, Shiv Kumar Batalvi had been writing wrote from the age of six. Without any guidance, he took his passion seriously and wrote incredibly. (The arguments are well developed. Good job!)

On the contrary, persons many individuals acquire talent with practice in their desired fields. Though it requires a long time, it is achievable They are not naturally inclined towards anything at a young age. (= no innate talent.) However, as they are exposed to the world, they work hard to achieve a goal. Teachers or mentors play a key role in imparting knowledge and making a person efficient these people (= many individuals) proficient in a domain. The latter w With a desire to become a doctor or an engineer, they (= many individuals) have has to put in a lot of efforts and energy. With the investment of five to six years in a professional degree, a doctor becomes an expert to deal with and operate a patient. Moreover, many models acquire skills the skill (This is specific – X of Y. Use THE.) of acting in various film schools. After exercising the skill with determination, they not only express their talents in movies and gain fame but also make money. (The arguments are a bit lacking in the first part of this paragraph.)

To conclude, some persons possess innate talents is justifiable (You’re not JUSTIFYING anything. You’re discussing two opposite views.). However, skills can be acquired with guidance and perseverance is inevitable. (In conclusion, while some people have innate talents that help them find the calling in life, others acquire skills through guidance, perseverance, and efforts.) Also, a person should be left independent to explore the world so that he can find his inner calling. (connect CALLING with innate talents.) 

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