Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Are Given Much Free Time.

Some people believe that children are given much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Management of free time is of great importance for the (You’re not talking about specific children) children because they can acquire numerous valuable things if it is utilized in an effective manner. It is often argued by many that children need to use their free time for studying their (no need to use a pronoun here) academic subjects. However, I believe that they should involve in some physical activities and learn any practical skills (Can’t use SKILLS with ANY. ANY = Singular.) of their interest.

Firstly, it is often seen that these days parents usually give huge attention towards children’s study so their wards (Separate the two independent clauses using a full stop or AND. Also, why use their to refer to parents. Use it to refer to children. Note either or construction below.) mostly spend long hours in schools or even in tuitions. (So, they spend long hours in either school or tuitions.) Therefore, they must need (need includes must) a break from study. For this purpose, people should encourage their children to take part participate in sports and games. Through these practices, they not only become physically fit but also become mentally alert which make them not only physically fit but also mentally alert. (Restrructure to improve cohesion and clarity.) Moreover, in the childhood period, children during childhood, people are in developmental phase, thus, physical activities would allow them to develop fully and physical activities help them grow faster. For instance, the children, who play any sport such as cricket and badminton, (This is not a modifier but part of the main sentence.) have comparatively better physiques and heights than others who spend their free time only in studying. 

Secondly, I feel that free time of children can be used children can effectively utilize free time in learning practical and artistic skills such as drawing, painting, dancing, and singing. Involvement of children in these areas would undoubtedly foster creativity, which may assist them in the long run. (How? The next sentence fails to explain this. Coherence issue.) They have a greater ability to solve business, social, political and personal problems as compared to others. To exemplify, these days a significant number of children adopt dancing, singing and painting as their professional career. (This is not an example.) In addition, these activities relax and rejuvenate the tired minds of children, resultantly; and they are more likely to pay attention in their studies.

To conclude, although studying school subjects are important for children to excel in the academic field, free time should be managed in such a way that helps (OR: in such a way that it helps) children to develop in a holistic manner. As it is aptly said that, “all time work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Avoid this.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.