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IELTS Essay Correction: Poor Infrastructure Hinders Progress.

Poor infrastructure hinders underdeveloped countries from progressing and modernizing. Some people think that this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid. Do you agree or disagree? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Well–established infrastructure is a symbol of a developed nation. (Alternate sentence. Be more specific. Also, make this sentence not about developed nations but about all nations. All countries need modern, world-class infrastructure in healthcare, transportation, power, education, and agriculture to lift the masses out of poverty.) Foreign aid investment (Aid is different from investment. Let us make one verb and the other noun.) Investing foreign aid on infrastructure is essential since it provides a better living standard for to people. However, (“However” is correct only if you’re carrying the context of foreign aid. – 1) in an underdeveloped country, investment on food supply at the time of scarcity and immediate medical care in case of a prevalent disease is are also imperative. 

1. If foreign aid is invested in infrastructure, it provides a superior standard of living for people. However, it is equally important to ensure stable and secure food supply as well as medical care in underdeveloped countries.

Foreign aid is utilized to dispense (Wrong word use. You can’t dispense facilities.) ensure advanced infrastructural (maintain context. Do not assume that facilities include the word infrastructure.facilities for people to improve their living standard. They are provided not only hospitals for adequate medical care and schools for medical and proper education availability but also roads and fuel for driving automobiles. USAID revealed a data (data is plural) in 2015 indicating that India has been the recipient of aid since 1946 which the latter it has used in the progression of the country and given the native a better lifestyle. (This is not context specific. …. which it has used for construction of village roads, water tanks, canals, and power stations to provide basic services to all citizens.) Moreover, with the availability of an additional resource like foreign aid, governments supply water (governments build water related infrastructure) for purposes ranging from cleaning and washing to agricultural use. (Is this infrastructure?) In 2013, several water purifying projects were established in suburb areas of Punjab using foreign aid to let people use recycled water to reverse the alarming rate at which groundwater is being exploited., despite using underground water(This part does not make any logical connection with the rest of the sentence.) 

On the contrary, in underdeveloped countries people usually suffer from deplorable circumstances. Due to country’s low revenues, governments are unable to fulfill the basic requirements of the natives like food and clothing. In such cases, the former must invest foreign aid (2) in the provision of food to the latter. (Missing IDEA statement.) Pakistan supply supplies the entire received aid money to the terrorist groups for the sake of security (what is the relation between terrorism and security? Logic flaw.) which should be used to ameliorate its poverty. (Pakistan siphons the funds meant for ameliorating poverty for financing terror activities in neighboring countries.) Furthermore, if a widespread disease is the reason of the demise of individuals, it will require immediate funding to eliminate the root cause which will be achieved with foreign aid. (Furthermore, foreign aid in underdeveloped countries is sometimes meant for the eradication of certain diseases such as Polio. If it is diverted for the development of infrastructure, more urgent and important health issues remain unaddressed.) Since citizens are the biggest a bigger asset than the infrastructure of any nation, investment on their survival is crucial. 

2. If you wish to avoid using the latter, you can switch to the passive voice. In such cases, foreign aid must be invested on fulfilling the basic requirements such as food and shelter.

To conclude, though enhanced infrastructure is the indicator of prosperity and entails investment, people facing scarcity of food in a nation also deserve it (also deserve infrastructure? Makes no sense.). This will not only help them to satisfy their needs but also bring parity in society. 

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