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IELTS Essay Correction: Spending A Lot Of Money On Weddings.

Many people believe that spending a lot of money on weddings is fine, while others completely disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many assert that it is right to spend heavily on the wedding functions, (You’re talking about a specific type of functions. Use THE. Or, write: spend heavily on weddings.) while others disagree do not agree with this. Although people who earn a handsome amount of money like to spend on weddings to show off their wealth, I believe that it is a waste of hard earned money and creates inferiority complex among others.

On the one hand, some people believe that it is fine to spend heavily on weddings if someone earns handsomely. It is a time of the year when people get gives people a chance to show off their wealth and status to their friends and family. They do all this to receive appreciation from their near and dear ones and for this, they buy expensive clothes and jewellery and serve lavish dinner to the guests. Restructure: (They purchase expensive clothes and jewelry and serve lavish food to guests to receive appreciation from others.) For example, a the recent wedding of one of the India’s business tycoons, (He is ONE of many tycoons.) Mukesh Ambani’s daughter, (Oops! Wrong modifier – 1) Isha Ambani, was one of the expensive weddings of the year 2018. He spent millions of dollars on her his daughter’s wedding reception. Nearly all of the Almost entire Bollywood industry was invited and the week-long extravaganza is estimated to have cost (Estimated to cost = future cost. It is still an estimate and there is no spending yet.) around a hundred million U.S dollars.

1. Who is the business tycoon? Mukesh Ambani. Not his daughter. Let us change the sentence: The recent wedding of Isha Ambani, daughter of India’s richest businessman, Mukesh Ambani, (Modifier) was ……

There are a few sentence structuring issues in the above paragraph.

On the other hand, it is also (Don’t use also with on the other hand.) thought that spending too much money on weddings is inappropriate and I agree. It is a waste of hard earned money which can be saved for the future by investing in through long term investments. These investments can help people which can be useful in the hour of need. Moreover, it also (Don’t use also with moreover.) creates a sense of inferiority among those who cannot afford such grand weddings. As a result, in order to compete with the rich people, those who belong to middle-class families take out borrow debt from banks, which they find it quite difficult to pay later. (A lot of redundant words in the previous paragraph. There is a LR mistake as well.) For instance, a report by The Straits revealed that in 2010, in Pakistan, nearly 30 percent of the couples went bankrupt because they could not afford to repay the loans they took out for their lavish marriages. (maintain context) Thus, it is not a wise use of one’s money. (No need of writing this statement. You’ve already written enough earlier.)

In conclusion, while spending a hefty amount on weddings is a mere pomp and show, I opine that this money could be better saved for the future and it also influences other people to follow in their footprints. (Poor referencing. IT and THEIR do not refer to any noun in the previous sentences.)

 

2 replies »

  1. Nowadays, In delevloped and developing countries, spending amount of wealth has become trend .some people believe that money which is allocated on marriages is vital but Others, disagree with this statement. I will discuss both view in the following paragraphs along with my opinion.

    On the one hand, some people think that with the support of showing in marriages they can uplift their status in their nears as well as dears.Not only this they can also show their wealth to others . Furthermore, if they spend huge money on wedding ,they can make their image in society and can give influence on others .Therfore, for display of pomp and snow they allocated money on these kind of marriages and in everyone’s life marriage occur only once a time so they spending money on marriage is better.

    On the other hand, those who are disagree think that spending on marriages is wastage of money and time also this money can be used in the other fields such as for the education and need of children. Otherwise this money can also be utilized for needy people. Along with it,people who are spending can persevere this for their hard days .

    To sum up, In my opinion, people ought to spend less money on marriages. Although, expenditures on marriages is good but, this is wastage of food and expenses of decore and on other entertainment sources is unnecessary .

    Like

  2. Nowadays, In delevloped and developing countries, spending amount of wealth has become trend .some people believe that money which is allocated on marriages is vital but Others, disagree with this statement. I will discuss both view in the following paragraphs along with my opinion.

    On the one hand, some people think that with the support of showing in marriages they can uplift their status in their nears as well as dears.Not only this they can also show their wealth to others . Furthermore, if they spend huge money on wedding ,they can make their image in society and can give influence on others .Therfore, for display of pomp and snow they allocated money on these kind of marriages and in everyone’s life marriage occur only once a time so they spending money on marriage is better.

    On the other hand, those who are disagree think that spending on marriages is wastage of money and time also this money can be used in the other fields such as for the education and need of children. Otherwise this money can also be utilized for needy people. Along with it,people who are spending can persevere this for their hard days .

    To sum up, In my opinion, people ought to spend less money on marriages. Although, expenditures on marriages is good but, this is wastage of food and expenses of decore and on other entertainment sources is unnecessary .

    Like

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