Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Tourism Has Damaged Places.

Tourism has led to many beautiful or historically significant places being damaged almost beyond repair. What should be done to make sure that this does not happen in the future?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

More and more people are visiting tourist places which hampers their beauty and importance t . Therefore, (Separate two independent clauses using a period. Punctuation mistake. GR score will suffer.) (THEREFORE is used to conclude an argument in body paragraphs. An introduction is not a place to conclude an argument.) it is imperative to protect such places for the future. This can be done by putting a limit on number of tourists and enhancing security for the sensitive areas.

As more and more people visit tourist places, their beauty and historical importance is damaged. These can be protected by placing a limit on the number of tourists and enhancing security in sensitive areas.

Limit on the tourism can be a prominent step to save the beauty as well as the culture of many natural tourist places (THE X of Y.) because when a large number of people moves move to one particular place, they cause damage to the culture and environment of that region. Recent news about Manali to Rohtang Pass (1) could better explain this situation as there was a huge traffic jam on the roads which gave given rise to the temperature in the Manali and impacted the lives of people living in the town. (2) If there would be were (Incorrect IF-THEN construction.) a limit on the number of people heading toward such places, this would not have been happening happened.

1. Restructure: A recent news about massive traffic jams on the Manali-Rohtang route raised public awareness on this issue. This jam led to the accumulation of poisonous gases in the atmosphere that led to acid rain which destroyed the entire region’s buildings.

2. The question is about historically significant places – that is, some buildings etc. Places here are not in the context of a city.

Furthermore, a better security system could also be is also helpful to protect the historical buildings from damage. Firstly, there should be clear instructions given to the tourists at the very entrance about the tangible and (The word TANGIBLE does not make any sense here. All buildings are tangible in nature. Tangible = something that can be touched.) vulnerable areas in the monuments. Then, either by putting a glass wall or by installing a boundary, (BY is not sufficient to create parallelism. Use a verb.) the old buildings and their traditional style could can be better saved from the people, (Do not use commas here. This is part of the main sentence.) who tend to capture photos with the showcase items thus shortening and, thus, shorten the life of these items.

There are numerous grammar and sentence structuring issues in both body paragraphs.

It is true that tourism is increasing, so as the problems associated with this also. Tourism is increasing and so are the problems associated with it. However, it (IT does not refer to anything in your sentence. Wrong pronoun.) historical places can be protected by imposing a limit on tourism and better placing strict instructions and security to stop people damaging them important places.

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