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IELTS Essay Correction: People Visiting Art Galleries.

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is reducing what are the reasons for this? How can this problem be solved? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

These days, the number of people visiting art galleries is reducing since they are more inclined towards adventurous sports. (… since they are more inclined towards other sources of entertainment such as sports and the internet.) The issue can be addressed by guiding children to actively participate in them. (Wrong pronoun. One pronoun can refer to one noun only. They refers to people.)

With the widespread access to the internet, people are aware of the thrilling experiences they can engage in. Since they find visiting art galleries boring as well as wastage of time, (Art galleries can’t be a waste of time. Visiting art galleries can be.) to overcome the stress of professional lives, they choose prefer to engage in adventurous activities over art galleries (no need to write this.) such as river rafting and bungee jumping. (Develop a more specific and precise response.) Earlier, people loved to visit art galleries and considered them an immense source of knowledge and inspiration but, in the last decade, people they have switched to exotic places. In New Delhi, Sahara mall is equipped with both an art gallery and a gaming zone. A magazine revealed that maximum crowd is witnessed in the latter as it provides refreshing activities. (Though Sahara Mall, a famous shopping destination in New Delhi, has an art center as well as a gaming zone, the latter draws more crowd as it offers refreshing activities.) 

The issue can be solved by the participation of governments. Arts must be provided in the options of additional activities in schools. This issue can be solved if governments include visits to art galleries as a part of the school curriculum. The government should ensure the involvement of interested students to eliminate their reluctance in adult ages (Sounds weird). (If children are encouraged to visit these places at a young age, they will not only develop a passion for art but also have a better understanding of the native culture.) Governments (You’ve repeated government several times.) should also provide adequate funds for not only the maintenance of the galleries but also up-to-date provision of art forms. (Don’t jump to the next topic as long as you’ve not explained the previous one. EXPLAIN this adequately.) Moreover, art galleries must enrich individuals (an individual) with vast knowledge with the help of animated clips. (How? Can you be a bit more specific? What do you mean by animated clips?) This will attract common people and school students to certainly pay a visit to the place. 

To conclude, art galleries are the an inseparable part of our cultural heritage. Preservation and public’s interest is necessary for them to conserve the specific identity of a nation. 

1 reply »

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