Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Hobbies Need To Be Difficult To Be Enjoyable.

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree? 

Answer:

Different people have different hobbies which are performed to enjoy in life. (People indulge in hobbies ranging from horse riding to painting to break the monotony of routine activities. – “Hobbies” is a subject that you can refer using THEY.) While some people think that participation in difficult activities is necessary for enjoyment, (Enjoy is vague. Make it more specific as I have done above.) I believe that easy hobbies (You’ve repeated the word hobby several times. Avoid this.) are preferred to enjoy (you’ve repeated enjoy several times.) since they help in refreshing minds in less time and have a similar impact to that of the difficult ones. 

Normal hobbies enable people to break their monotony on a daily basis since they are less time demanding. With the elongated working hours, a person gets exhausted and is unable to manage life perfectly (smoothly). A small break, while engaging in activities like listening to music, dancing, and cooking helps him to enjoy and rejuvenate. (You’ve not explained the idea – less time demanding.) Moreover, hobbies, irrespective of the level of hardness, gives (subject-verb disagreement) equal the same extent of pleasure. Most of the people, rather than rushing to places offering dangerous activities for enjoyment, indulge in simple hobbies such as drawing and dancing and avail equal pleasure. Health medicos, a psychological hospital, in New Zealand, (wrong comma placement) revealed that the adrenaline rush, taking place in a human body is equal in people participating in painting and bungee jumping both types of hobbies. 

Moreover, easy hobbies demand less time and involve (parallelism) negligible cost. A person can conveniently engage in an activity like reading a book conveniently by sitting at home and requires only the a minor investment (expenditure) of the cost of a book. Whereas, if a person involves in a dangerous hobby, he will have to face incur travel cost as well as additional find enough travel time to travel. Furthermore, individuals who enjoy simple activities as these does do not put their lives at risk. Others engaging in paragliding and river rafting have a death threat. Those who engage in paragliding and river rafting, on the contrary, have to bear the risk of death. Hence, most of the people prefer to stay in secure places and enjoy in a healthy life way. 

There are numerous sentence structuring and lexical resource issues.

To conclude, since easy hobbies provide pleasure and they are easy to perform, hobbies need not to be difficult to enjoy. 

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1 reply »

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