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IELTS Essay Correction: Housing And Accommodation Problem.

HOUSING AND ACCOMMODATION HAVE BECOME A MAJOR PROBLEM IN SEVERAL COUNTRIES. WHAT ARE THE MAJOR FACTORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO THE PROBLEM? WHAT CAN BE DONE TO HELP REDUCE THE NUMBER OF HOMELESS PEOPLE?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The shortage of houses is burgeoning globally and it is causing major problems for the underprivileged people. This is attributed to the population explosion and the changes in the family structure pattern. However, (There is nothing that suggests a contrast between these two sentences. A solution is not a contrast of a problem. Wrong use of a cohesive device will cost you bands.) The government can ameliorate this issue by reducing checking the population growth and constructing skyscrapers. (In English language, it is not usually correct to write ‘reduce the population’. The more appropriate word is check.)

The predominant factor which results in the scarcity of accommodation (housing) (Note the construction: the X of Y.) is overpopulation. Many people who live in rural areas are migrating migrate (Simple Present Tense is more appropriate. Can you guess why?) to urban areas not only for more rewarding (number of) job opportunities but also for better advanced technical educational facilities. (MORE and BETTER are vague. You should try to write more specifically and precisely.) This leads to a lack of accommodation in cities. A survey done by the Indian government has revealed that in Mumbai 20 percent people are homeless because the density of population has increased from in the last two decades in order to find employment(DENSITY can’t find EMPLOYMENT. People can. Wrong logic.) This is attributed to the migration of people from Uttar Pradesh, Gujarat, Madhya Pradesh, and Karnataka to this city.

Another factor that is responsible for the lack of housing is the change in family structure. Youngsters live in nuclear families these days because (wrong use of because. Alternately you can write so that.) to maintain privacy. (Youngsters prefer to live in nuclear families so that they can maintain privacy.) This change in families requires more space for residing people which is a great concern as more demand of for houses in cities results in skyrocketing price and it troubles people those are living who live below the poverty line.

This issue can be solved (effectively addressed) by providing all facilities to villagers in their locality areas. Therefore, (You’ve not developed the argument.) If they have well-paid jobs, proper educational facilities, and well-equipped hospitals in their vicinity, they will choose to live in the villages. This reduction in urban population leads to affordable housing for the poor people in cities. This will prevent the migration of people from rural to urban areas and, hence, increase the availability of accommodation in cities. Moreover, the construction of skyscrapers can also solve the problem of housing since these tall buildings can accommodate more individuals in less space. China, for instance, is one of the country countries where not a single individual nobody is homeless because the its government of this nation constructed enormous tall buildings for accommodating poor people.

The first solution needs to be better explained. Develop the arguments while maintaining logic.

In conclusion, overpopulation and trend growth of nuclear families are the two root causes of the housing shortage. Governments should take the initiative to tackle these problems by building skyscrapers and providing facilities equally in all regions to form prosperous nations.

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2 replies »

  1. Nowadays, living placese has become critical issues in few part of the world.There are numerous reasons of this such as opportunity in all aspects as well as overpopulation.

    One of the main cause of this is ,facilities which are provided by some particular fields these are higher education, medical, employment , living standard and so on. In this way, people give more preference in cities and this can become accommodation matter.

    Another reason of this is, overpopulation because, in these days, families are converted into nuclear and want sapreate home for personal living .For instance, recently,one report revealed that due to the advanment of modern era, family members never want interfere from other although they have blood relation. As a consequences, for them accommodation become biggest problem.
    The solution of this problem is not simple but this issue can be tackled by government as well as citizens. So as soon as possible state should give all opportunities at entire locations and give awareness to all people of their family structure and people never want to migrate from one place to another and as a citizenes, people ought to make a balance and teach moral values to their family members.

    To sum up, although matter of living has become problem but it can be solved with the support of government and by educating people.

    Like

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