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IELTS Essay Correction: Spending A Lot On Weddings.

Many people believe that spending a lot of money on weddings is fine, while others completely disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The trend of spending money lavishly on weddings is increasing day by day. While a number of individuals agree since they want to show off their status, others say it is a complete wastage of money. (Well written. Clear and crisp.)

In the modern era, lavish weddings are considered as a symbol of status. Youngsters spend huge money on fantasies ranging from dresses and makeup artists (1) to decorators and hotels in this way they to show superiority among to friends and relatives. (Poor sentence structure. You converted a dependent clause into an independent one by writing “in this way they”. Note that you can’t just connect two independent clauses in this manner. Let us keep the latter part as a dependent clause.) It gives not only gives happiness to them but also excitement (excitement is not parallel to gives but to happiness.) for their special occasion. Moreover, rich families gift luxurious things such as jewellery and car to their daughters so that former to show off their wealth in the front of people. For example, an Indian richest (If he is the richest businessman, it is a specific thing. Do not use an.) businessman ‘The Mukesh Ambani ‘spend Mokesh Ambani, the richest Indian businessman, spent (use the correct tense. Spend is incorrect.) (note the modifier and the manner of its construction.) millions of dollars on his daughter‘s wedding and different types of hundreds of Indian, Spanish, Italian and American dishes were served to guest so that he can show could display (wrong tense and word repetition) his standard and gain publicity through social media.

1. Dresses and makeup artists are not examples of money. Wrong construction.

On the other hand, middle-class families invest money for their children‘s education rather than wasting it (In X rather than Y construction, let us keep both X and Y as verb phrases. Discuss in class.) on lavish weddings so that children get a job and earn handsomely. Therefore, spending money lavishly (This word is necessary to build context.) on weddings is considered as wastage of hard-earned money because a variety of cuisines and food items go wasted since that money can be employed in more productive areas such as education, health and financial security. Moreover, they copy affluent families and borrow lofty loans for weddings which is useless. For instance, it has been reported by a minister of Punjab that farmers commit suicide since they are unable to payback loans back to banks which was were taken for their daughter‘s lavish wedding. Furthermore, rich families should give money to poor people or through NGO’s Non-Government Organizations (wrong apostrophe) instead of wasting money it like water on weddings so that it helps the latter in growth and development they (refers back to NGOs) can help in building a peaceful and prosperous society.

In conclusion, though rich families spend heavily on weddings to show superiority, middle families considered consider it as an unwise decision and invest money for children‘s education.

Numerous Grammar mistakes. You need to work a lot in this area.

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