Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Life In 21st Century.

Life in the 21st century is better compared to the previous century. To what extent do you agree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Human life has experienced tremendous changes during the 21st century. (You’re talking about a specific century. That’s THE 21st century. Use the article the.) While some people are thrilled (The word is not the best choice. What is there to thrill about? Do not use a word without understanding its exact meaning.) since they can avail educational facilities (1) and enjoy the world of technology, (the X of Y construction) others are disappointed because they have to bear drastic outcomes of certain variations such as isolation. (These words make the sentence difficult to read. Unnecessary words. Redundant. Avoid words that make no sense.)

WHERE IS YOUR OPINION?

1. You need to use an adjective (educational) with the noun facilities. 

Earlier, (2) few individuals were able to get education (use educate as a verb) educated due to less availability of schools and colleges. Therefore, they were unable to fetch appropriate job opportunities. Now, due to the (the X of Y) increased accessibility to of institutes, almost every person avails the benefits of education and acquires lucrative jobs. Moreover, the advent of technology has enriched masses with diverse entertainment sources which enable them to enjoy watching television, playing play video games, surfing surf the internet. (violation of parallelism) Such activities have occupied their favourite pass time (What? What does this mean? Makes no sense. Write a sentence that adds value to the essay.). These facilities were not available in previous centuries. According to a survey, conducted last year, more than 90% of the citizens of India engage in entertainment sources (name a few) and cherish them during their leisure time who (Wrong placement of adjective pronoun. Place it next to the word it refers to. – 3.) had (Wrong use of had. It is used to refer to past of past.) indulged in household tasks ranging from sewing and embroidery to cooking and cleaning to spend time. 

2. What do you mean by earlier? It is not the same as previous centuries. This will make the context weak. You need to talk about centuries other than the 21st. Let us change it. In previous centuries, ……..

3. Restructure: For example, the Forbes magazine has revealed that while Indian housewives, who used to engage in sewing and embroidery during free time in the 20th century, now prefer to work online and earn money to support the family.

On the contrary, during the last two decades (You’re talking about very specific decades.) joint family tradition has broken and the families have split into become nuclear families. Not only the availability of resources and the affordability of education but also the migration in search of desired profession are responsible in for raising nuclear family tradition this trend. (Avoid word repetition by using referencing.) (No need to give reasons for the rise of nuclear families. Come to the question’s demands.) The most adversely affected section of society is old generation are the elderly since their (their can’t refer to old generation) children move to cities in search of occupation. Consequently, they have no one to cater to their needs at tough times. Furthermore, masses enjoy the luxuries of modern technology in the present century (missing context) without realizing its impact on the environment. The excessive use of automobiles, air conditioners, and machines in factories has escalated pollution which, ultimately, deteriorates their health. 

To conclude, though the lifestyle of people in the 21st century is incredible, the adverse effects of the changes borne by the elderly and atmosphere are inevitable. 

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