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IELTS Essay Correction: People Don’t Do Enough Physical Exercise.

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer: 

In the modern era, individuals do not engage themselves (no need to write this pronoun.) in physical activities and this causes has detrimental effects on their health. It has numerous causes such as sedentary lifestyle and lack of awareness. (This is primarily due to a sedentary lifestyle and lack of awareness.)

Due to advancement in technology technologies ranging from smartphones to the internet (Incomplete sentence. “Due to X, Y.” Y is missing.). P , people become lazy and they (no need of using this pronoun) waste all their time playing games on phone by sitting in their comfort zone. They indulge so deeply in the games and that they (so X that Y.forget about a physical activity which is essential for their health. They do not want to do an activity which requires hard work. (They are disinclined towards activities that require hard work.) Earlier, there were not no smartphones and the internet. Therefore, people are were (wrong tense) more active and indulged themselves (no need for this pronoun) in physical activities such as cycling, jogging and walking. For instance, the who WHO has reported that 80 percent of youngsters are suffering from obesity since they do not do any physical exercise and sit for a long hours, play PUBG on their phone for several hours everyday. Moreover, busy schedules keep them away from physical activity such as long working hours and overtime in office. (You’ve raised another idea but have not explained it. Either don’t write it or explain it thoroughly. There was no need to write another point. You’ve written enough.)

Governments should take constructive steps to make people aware about of (wrong preposition) the importance of physical activity. Therefore, (Wrong cohesive device. You’re not concluding an argument here.) various seminars should be held in all parts of the world. (Missing subject. Who is establishing?) Establish sports ground and parks in the society where they can do various exercises such as yoga, walking and running. (Let us combine the last two sentences and use they to refer to governments. They should hold seminars to make people aware of the benefits of an active lifestyle and establish sports grounds so that residents can do aerobics, yoga, and jogging.) Furthermore, the government should make (enact/ enforce) stringent employment laws by reducing working hours so that overtime does not affect workers health. The government of USA donot does not allow people to work more than 8 hours per day and, in remaining hours, an individual indulges in physical activity such as can workout in a gym, or play with friends. Also, (Missing subject. Who should organise?) organize health fairs in the society and demonstration on a healthy diet should be given to local people. The government should make it mandatory for students (wrong object placement. You’ve placed the primary object at the end of the sentence.) to do physical exercise for one hour in schools to students. 

In conclusion, though people are busy in their life and follow a sedentary lifestyle, (missing context) with the help of governments we governments can make people them aware about the importance of physical activities. 

2 replies »

  1. Nowadays, people are less consider regarding their healty life style in this way, they never give attention to do exercises. This happened due to scarcity of awareness as well as hectic life style. This issue can be solved by the support of government and people.

    One of the main reason behind this problem is unconsciousness due to which people cannot give concentration on their health and they also never know regarding bad impacts of disease. For instance, many a time, people give preference to that food which often is harmful for their health and it seems to them interesting. So, if they know about bad effects of this then they can avoid it and started doing exercise.

    Additionally, people are extremely busy in their professions this lead to conflict with their own personal lives. They always spend their majority of time behind earning handsome money for surviving luxury life. Consequently, they cannot get effective time for exercise.
    Another reason of this people, some times face problem of adequate place for exercise such as park, fitness clubs, and gyms and many more.Due to this for outing, many of them living on junk food and no exercise. Hence, they avoid exercise

    The solution of this problem not simple but it can be, certainly, solved by the support of state and citizens of The country. So, as soon as possible government should organized some health awareness competitions and built some attractive places so people came out from homes by which people not only remain healthy from physically but also from mentally. Also, at the individual level, people should make a balance between their work and domestic life for exercise if they want to live longevity life.

    To sum up, understanding of methods for doing exercises and balance can give them healthy life statement and it will also greater and better opportunity for themselves for surviving life because “health is wealth “

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  2. Today’s world is the world of modernization. Inventions makes life easy and comfortable but it lacks physical exercises of people said by doctors due to sedentary lifestyle and use of vehicles.
    Science is developing too many innovations from smartphone to the internet which helps to connect globally. People cling with mobiles and computers . For example, if a person who always remain in his room use these gadgets for watching videos,playing games, see pictures for several hours which causes menaces of hearing,visual, immune system as well as in other systems as it radiates rate of radioactivity in body by receding physical activities. First productive solution is parents and government should encourage them by organizing seminars and by making necessary period.
    Moreover,there is a lot of competition across the globe. People have wish to compete with others. So, they do study for many hours in their rooms. Sometimes, they use mobile phones to get knowledge more about exploring new things and discoveries to know what is happening globally. As a result, they forgot about physical fitness. It may cause physically, emotionally and mentally disturbance. Furthermore, they use vehicles for covering small distances instead of walking . this may results into obesity and overweight due to fat accumulation which cause detrimental problems of heart , respiratory and digestive system . Another constructive solution is by doing small warm ups, yoga and meditation which it overall develops body.
    In conclusion, I want to re-affirm that “health is wealth” because exercise makes a person physically , mentally , socially and mentally fit. Parents and government should organize competitions and campaigns to aware public.

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