Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Work Before University Study.

Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In my perspective, it is better for students to take employment before their tertiary education since it helps in gaining practical experience and to save saves (Let us make this parallel to helpsmoney for their higher studies.

Students (subject-verb disagreement) who work in the a particular field, which they will choose to study in university, learn more practical skills as compared to those without a job. They will (Let us maintain the same tense as in the previous sentence – Simple Present.) understand the academic lessons quickly because of the experience they gained during work. (Your idea is about practical experience. Let us stick to it and build an example. Let us not venture into the domain of confidence.) It not only gives knowledge but also makes an individual confident for university study. For example, the University of Michigan has reported that students who work before tertiary education scored better in their practical examination as compared to those without work experience. (Poor example. This is not an example. It is a general statement disguised as an example. You could have written a simple, routine example: For example, a student who has worked as a technician at Microsoft before joining a university course has deeper, practical knowledge about computers than other students. He is likely to score better in languages such as C and Python.)

Moreover, while working in various sectors such as hospitality, and accountancy a student comes to know learns whether the degree which he will be going to pursue in a university have has (subject-verb disagreement) job opportunities in future or not. (write in fewer words: whether the degree has employment potential or not.Therefore, this helps him to choose the field which will benefit him in future financially and get a job easily. (The sentence structure is weird. It is too wordy.) (This enables him to make an informed choice about a financially rewarding job.) For example, the WHO has reported that 60 percentage of students are unemployed in Canada who study history subjects because nowadays multinational companies are establishing and they need skilled workers such as doctors and engineers.  (1. Percentage is different from percent. Can you guess how? 2. There is no need to write an example here. You’ve already written an example with the previous idea. This example makes your essay lengthy. Also, it lacks task achievement. It is poor in context. You’ve made no mention of work before university study.)

Furthermore, universities fees are higher as compared to that of secondary education. It is difficult for parents to give such lofty amount for their children’s education. Therefore, students must work to save money before tertiary education. It not only helps them in making becoming responsible but also feel makes them independent. (IT does two things – X and Y. X and Y should be parallel. You’ve violated that principle.) For example, the University of Cambridge has been (A blunder!) revealed that students who pay annual fees from their savings are more serious towards studies rather (Wrong construction: more X than Y.) than who’s whose annual fee is paid by their parents. (Again, this is not an example. The University of Cambridge has found in a study that students who work for two years and save at least 5000 Pounds before starting a degree or diploma are more financially secure than others since they do not have to take a student loan.)

Also, when a student works (subject-verb disagreement) hard to earn money he understands (subject-verb disagreement) the value of money. Therefore, he will not waste money in clubs and drugs. (What was the need for writing this idea? You’ve not built an argument. A lot of things you’ve written in this essay are completely unnecessary. The more you write, the more you expose your mistakes. Don’t do this.)

In conclusion, to work before university study helps student to gain practical experience in their respective field and also make them financially independent to bear heavily high (Can’t use an adverb – heavily – with a noun. Use an adjective.) tuition fees. 

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1 reply »

  1. Before gaining Tertiary study, it is better for students to do work since to learn the value of saving money and helps in stimulating their performance.
    Students have practical experience while working and performance in academics since it enhances knowledge and interest of children in a particular field as well as improves capability and performance by doing work. for example – it is found that children who do work in Microsoft for about 2 years before university education they have better information of java and other language. In commerce, children who work as apprentice have better ability to learn new skills and solve problems which help in further studies and helps in promotion as they have more job opportunities and having much knowledge about their stream.
    Moreover, moral values are necessary for everyone to learn like time management, punctuality, saving and hard work. so, children should know about struggling in their respective fields. By doing work,students saves money for their higher education and spend money meticulously because it is result of their hark work and become self sustain in their lives. For instance, if a university going child belongs to a poor family by doing job one can employed so a student put no burden of money on their family as children support them financially and helps in maintaining social status as well as prestige.
    In conclusion, I wants to re-affirm that work play very imperative role as it provides employment, social status, practical experience and boosting capabilities. By doing job, one can get enough knowledge and become self sustain and fulfill his desires.

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