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IELTS Essay Correction: Ways To Lose Weight.

Today’s society provides people with various ways to lose weight, such as special diets or exercise regimes. Many people believe though that poor food and today’s lifestyle should be addressed first. What is your viewpoint of this situation?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

It is certainly true that (No need to write this. Redundant words.) obesity becomes has become one of the prominent issues (one of several issues) for the modern generation. Although there are umpteen measures taken by people to curb this problem (prefer the active voice. What is wrong in writing lose weight? It’s a misconception that using question statement’s words counts as a repetition.) people take umpteen measures to lose weight, I agree with those who (redundant words) believe that bad food habits and hectic lifestyles should be taken care (how do you take care of food habits and hectic lifestyle? Does not sound natural.) on a prior basis to eradicate this health issue. (Although people take umpteen measures to lose weight, I think they (refers to people) should address poor food habits and hectic lifestyle first.) 

There are various reasons why I believe that we should control our routine habits to tackle with (wrong preposition) obesity. Firstly, it is crucial to attack on the root cause of the problem rather than curing its effects. Mainly The weight loss programs are based to control aimed at controlling the aftermaths of poor lifestyle, however, (The use of however is correct only if you maintain the context of the topic. Discuss in class.) if the focus is put on They, however, do not address its root causes which are excess consumption of junk food, improper sleep, work anxiety, and isolation etcetera, this health issue would not arise. For instance, the (the X of Y) majority of our ancestors have had (wrong tense) balanced body weights because they rely relied more on traditional foods, physical work, and simple living. Eventually (Wrong use of Eventually. Understand a word’s exact meaning before using it. You’ve used two cohesive devices incorrectly.) they need did not to go for expensive health regimes to lose extra weight.

In addition to it Additionally, various weight control programs have catastrophic repercussions on the human body. Take an example of gyms, (Blunder! You can’t connect two independent clauses using a comma. Discuss.) for looking fit and healthy most of the people put an excess burden on their bodies by doing rigorous workouts (For example, to look fit and healthy, people join gyms and exert extra burden which …….) which may sometimes cause health complications such as dehydration, joint pain or even severe injuries. So, I believe that by building good habits like waking up early, doing (parallelism) regular morning walks, taking balanced diets are not only (loss of parallelism – beneficial is not parallel to preventbeneficial for our physical and mental well-being but also prevent us from uneven consequences of tedious workouts. Furthermore, most of the fitness schemes are expensive which put extra burden on the pocket. This expenditure can be easily save if some sincere efforts are made to control food choices and daily routines. (You’ve written enough. There is no need to raise an additional point and expose your weaknesses.)

In conclusion, I believe that to eradicate the health evils like obesity it is not significant necessary to choose costly diet or exercise plans, rather we need to follow healthy eating habits as well as sober lifestyles.

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