Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Importance Of Natural World.

Not enough people realize the importance of the natural world. What is the reason for people’s lack of awareness? How can people be made more aware?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

As we all know, (Redundant words. No need to write this.) the natural world is imperative to the existence of human beings, s (These two are independent clauses. You can’t connect them using a comma) . Still, people give negligible attention to its protection. (Here is an alternate structure: Although the natural world is imperative for the existence of human beings, people give negligible attention to its protection.) This is attributed to the materialistic nature of society and an insufficient budget for environmental awareness programs. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to encourage people to protect the environment.

Overall, the introduction is well written. The sentence structures, except the first one, are good.

In this modern era, individuals are devastating (Wrong word. Devastate is not the best word in this context) exploiting natural resources such as forests and rivers at an unprecedented rate without knowing their eventual results for their personal benefits and comfort without any regard for the consequences. (Not the best placement for objects. This makes your sentence structure weak.) For example, everybody knows plastic bags are non-biodegradable that and cause of sea and land pollution but they are using them (everybody = singular. They can’t refer to it. The second them creates referencing confusion. Let them and their refer to plastic bags. Remove they.) keeps (parallel to knowsusing them due to their availability and inexpensiveness. Similarly, affluent people often buy luxury cars having strong horsepower engines to showoff their wealth that consume a huge amount of fuel for run (The next is an independent clause. Give it a separate identity.) ultimately deteriorate the quality of the air to a large extent. (The sentence structure is difficult to comprehend. Let us club both qualities of luxury cars: Similarly, affluent people often buy luxury cars, which have strong horsepower and consume huge quantities of fuel, to show off their wealth. This, ultimately, deteriorates ……) Moreover, governments allocate negligible financial budgets for campaigns that make people aware about of (wrong preposition) the protection the need and urgency of preserving the earth. (This idea needs further explanation. There was no need to write it. You had written sufficiently.) Therefore, these always failed to target each and every people (Each and every is singular. People is plural.) of the nation, especially those who live in rural areas.

There are numerous ways to motivate people to protect the environment. Firstly, the government should allocate sufficient amount of money for wild-life educational campaigns so that these can reach every corner of a country. This not only teaches people responsibility towards the nature but also develops a passion to clean and save the nature it for future generations. For example, India’s government had has (wrong tense) invested ten million rupees in the advertisement of Swatch Bharat Mission. As a result, it had has reached every house of the country and individuals have participated in cleaning their neighborhoods. Eventually, many have said no to plastic. (Did it save the natural world? Flora and fauna? Context not clear. For example, the Indian government has launched Swach Bharat Mission which aims at eliminating all human contaminations such as plastic and make the environment as natural as possible through conservation of trees.) Secondly, the civic authorities should promote the use of renewable energy resources such as solar panels and electric cars by providing concessions on their price. It will compel people to think about how much diesel or petrol cars are bad for damaging the environment.

In conclusion, although people are diminishing (You can’t diminish the environment. Wrong word choice.) exploiting/ damaging the environment for their benefits, they can be encouraged to save it by investing more funds in awareness programs and renewable energy resources.

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