Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Latest Fashion And Hairstyles.

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles.

In your opinion, what is influencing this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

People from various parts of the world, especially western countries (There’s nothing wrong with ‘in particular’. But, it takes the form of an interruptor. So, you need to put a comma before it. There is no such hassle with especially.) in particular, are engaged in catching up with (They’re not catching up. They’re already doing it.) fashionable dresses, shoes and hairstyles such as clothing and hairstyle. (clothing and hairstyle are not fashion.) Their desire to look alike like (check the difference between alike and like.) someone and advertisements are driving this trend. In my view, this trend is a negative development as it is disadvantageous to some individuals.

One of the main reasons why people follow fashion is a desire to establish their identity. Individuals want to get appreciated in society and gain social acceptance (appreciation). Many believe that following trends (instead of using a synonym for fashion, it is better to explain fashion with examples.) latest hairstyles, hair colors, dresses, pendants, jewelry, and shoes are is one the ways by which they can express themselves. For instance, a person who considers himself or herself a branded clothes enthusiast would be tempted to buy the latest dresses in a hope to be considered as a trendsetter. Likewise, many maintain that stylish hairstyle adds aesthetic value to their appearance which would make their identity unique. In other words, their belief that fashion makes them stand out in among their peers is influencing influences them to follow the trends. (Food for thought: If it is a trend, how will they stand out from others. A trend, by definition, is something that many people follow. By following it, you become part of a group. You can’t stand out.)   

Although fashion enables individuals to increase their chances of appreciation, it puts many individuals at disadvantage. Students, for example, are spending more and more time on flipping through fashion magazines and going to shopping malls. In pursuit of getting the latest clothing or hairstyle, they are left with very little time to put on their invest little time in studies and assignments which eventually results in poor academic performance. According to a recent report, one in five American teenagers who spend more than 20 hours per week on shopping or browsing online clothing stores have repeatedly failed in their final exams. This evidence suggests that fashion trends are disadvantageous to some individuals. (A paragraph well-written with logic, coherence, cohesion. Sentence structures are also good.)

In conclusion, individuals’ desire to prove their identity is the driving force behind their craze for following fashion trends. Considering the its impact of it on pupils’ educational prospects, one can conclude that this trend is an unfavorable progression.

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