Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Accessibility Into University.

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In the modern era, while the poor find it difficult to study in the a university since it has a high fee structure, the wealthy, despite a large amount of money, (This is an interruptor – despite ……doesnot do not (subject-verb disagreement) work hard to enroll in it university.

Nowadays, universities fees are very high, therefore, students from a poor background cannot study. (The sentence is too simple. Nothing wrong in that. But, it sounds very similar to the sentence in the introduction. Let us change it a bit to sound a bit different. Nowadays, the prohibitively high fees structure of various university courses prevents the students from a poor background from enrolling in these courses.) This compels youngsters to leave behind abandon (LR) the dream of study in a reputed university and take admission in a college to pursue further (unnecessary word. LR.) tertiary education. For example, the WHO has reported that the fees for courses such as mechanical engineering and hotel management in the Waterloo University are is two times higher as compared to that of George Brown College. (Good example with proper context.) Therefore, it is difficult for a poor student to study at the University. Moreover, many poor students are unable to crack the entrance exam since they didn’t studied (don’t use past form of a verb with DID. Grammar issue.) didn’t study in good schools which provides provide (subject-verb disagreement) them quality education to crack competitive these exams hence (The sentence should end here. Wrong punctuation.) . Hence, it is difficult for them to clear the (You’re not talking about a specific entrance exam.) entrance exams (You’ve already mentioned this “crack these exams“) and get admission in university for higher studies. The University of Sheridan, in Canada, accept only those students in MBA course who have cleared the entrance exam such as CAT, MAT, and GATE.

On the flip side (This is not the flip side. Choose words carefully. This is not the opposite.) On the other hand, though the rich students have the opportunity to study in university because their parents can easily afford the fee. T , they (Wrong punctuation: though X, Y) do not work study hard in studies and, thus, find it difficulty to accessible secure admission into a university. They engage themselves in enjoyment such as party parties with friends and go to clubs and they neglect their instead of focusing on studies (Instead is a better device than and in this context.). They think to get admission in a university, one should be financially strong, but many universities accept those students who are sincere and hardworking. For example, in India, despite rich families, children one cannot get easily accessibility admission to study in AIMS university. They accept only scholars academically superior students so that they can provide hardworking doctors to the nation. (You’ve written enough. Do not overwrite and expose your weaknesses.) Furthermore, in the current scenario, many youngsters prefer to study in universities to get proficient knowledge in their respective field from renowned lecturers. Therefore, the waiting list is long since a number of students wait for many years who wants to study in university. This makes difficult for a rich to find accessibility into University. 

In conclusion, though rich can afford the University fee, it is not easy for them to get admission because some universities prefer students who have cleared the entrance exams. (Not a strong conclusion. Where are the poor students? Thus, the university education is accessible neither to the rich nor to the poor partly due to high fees and partly due to superior academic requirements of institutions.)

1 reply »

  1. question: For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts.

    What do you think are the causes of this?

    What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

    Each individual region has its own significance in cultures and traditions. However, modernization and advance science and technology make the human brain to think about art forms are saturating. In these days we could find a minimum number of people knowing about their own lifestyle knowledge adapting by their former generations. This essay will discuss the causes of it and what makes people get recognition towards it.

    In my Point of view, there are several issues are replicating it like urbanization, developing country’s moving towards wester cultures, social media notices only trending lifestyles these are some facts people are not giving importance about traditions. For instants; India has diversifying cultures and traditions in each region. Even though, only a few cultures are getting recognition and public holidays to their cultures. Thus, every state department needs to emphasize their cultures from cities to villages.

    Drawing people attraction towards art is more important especially for younger generations. I would like to recommend more social camping in their cultures, increasing local art exhibitions. Conducting games form their cultures also makes a lot of differences to future generations. To illustrate, Pro Kabadi game making a vital role in the recognition of Indian cultures and art. Museums also show a significant about art. The government should identify the cultural arts and monuments to preserve it. As a result, people could identify their cultures and importance. People must build sciences and technology to help cultural in next level but not to saturate. Family needs to spend their time with their cultural commutes.

    In conclusion, we have seen the importance of culture and art on how to recognize modern sciences and technology. Conducting social camping towards the cultures are more important.

    Like

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