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IELTS Essay Correction: History Has Nothing To Offer.

Some people think that history has little or nothing to offer, while others say the study of the past helps us understand the present. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Some people believe that learning history is not beneficial in the present time (1) because technology has been (no need of been. Will share a voice note via WhatsApp.) changed drastically, and it (what takes a lot of time? The reference of it is not clear.) takes a lot of time. Others, however, feel that knowledge of the past has greater immense importance to understand the old traditional (tradition is old. Tautology. LR issue.) ways, and motivate the young generation. I also have the same opinion agree with the view that history teaches a lot to understand the present situation. (the word same does not convey anything.)

1. Multiple tautologies here. A tautology refers to a situation when multiple words are used to communicate the same meaning. The use of “is” indicates that the study is in the ‘present’. Moreover, ‘present’ is ‘time’. There is no need to write both.

Some individuals find the (the X of Ystudy of history as a (2) wastage of efforts and valuable time because of the advancements in technology. In the modern times, science has developed numerous techniques to solve different problems in every field. Mode of interaction from one place to another has been (no need of been) completely changed from sending ordinary letters during previous times to instant messaging and video conferencing. It There is, therefore, no need to understand old techniques which were less efficient and more time-consuming. (3) Moreover, the (you’re referring to a specific time.) time spent on these activities can be better utilized for developing new methods with the help of engineering research. (The idea is poorly developed. New methods for what? In fact, you need to delete these words as I’ve done above. Now, EXPLAIN.) Instead of studying the history of medical science in the 18th century, for example, we should make concerted efforts to solve today’s problems such as the uncontrolled spread of the coronavirus.

2. You’re mentioning about wastage of more than one thing – efforts and valuable time. Therefore, the use of the article ‘a’ is incorrect.

3. This sentence can be made more meaningful by mentioning ‘history’. Therefore, the study of history to understand old techniques is redundant.

On the other hand, the knowledge of historical events helps to find ways of tackling adverse situations with limited resources. (Earlier does not convey anything.) Earlier, various fields, such as medicine, agriculture and designs, were quite effective (Are they NOT effective NOW?). (Restructure: Till the advent of the industrial revolution, the fields of medicine and agriculture were fairly simple as people developed everything manually. The study of this period helps in grasping the fundamentals of science.) At that time times, people were able to develop things manually which can be helpful to understand the fundamentals of science. (The idea is not clearly developed. You will lose bands both for LR and TR.) Also, history education encourages people, particularly young children, to follow the path of their ancestors. Learning about the freedom struggle of various freedom fighters of India India’s struggle for independence from the imperial British rule (Avoid repeating freedom. Plus, make a better word choice.) has motivated students to understand the culture and importance of sacrifices for the nation. This not only directs youth toward the (that’s a SPECIFIC path.) right path but also provides (subject-verb disagreement.) them the courage to face difficult situations. (This idea is clearly developed, despite issues with LR and GR.)

To conclude, in my opinion, the (That’s a specific study.) study of history is equally imperative as research and innovation. This provides better superior knowledge (detailed insights into) about old (tautology) traditions as well as their (Their does not refer to anybody. Plus, it violates the rules of parallelism.) purpose for life.    

 

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