Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Live Alone.

Many people live alone today than they did in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Answer:

Many individuals need to live alone in the present times due to various compelling reasons. I believe that it is a negative trend as it increases the mental stress, and weakens the relationship bonds. (THE is incorrect. It is not a SPECIFIC stress. Let me state an example: The stress due to marital dispute has increased the chances of heart failure.)

While people live living (1) separately, especially in the developed or metro metropolitan cities, they are unable to share their personal feelings with anyone. They can not even take help from their family members or friends and have to face all the challenges independently. This leads them (wrong pronoun) to the numerous psychological disorders such as stress and anxiety. A person, for instance, working throughout the day for more than ten hours, when (Wrong placement of WHEN. – 2) comes homes and finds no one there to help him in the household chores like cooking and cleaning, he (missing pronoun) feels more frustrated as compared to the person living with the family. (A badly written sentence. This will deal a severe blow to the GR score.) (This is not an example) This frustration not only affects the performance of an individual at work but also have the has (Your subject is frustration – a singular word.) devastating health consequences.

1. WHILE has two definitions. One of its meanings is “at the same time”. You’ve used it as as ALTHOUGH. This is incorrect. Discuss it with me. “While living separately, people, especially in developed countries, are unable to share their feelings with anyone.”  “While I am reading a book, my sister is sleeping.” Note that when WHILE (at the same time) is used with a noun, it is used with two nouns. LR issue.

2. Restructure: When a person, who works for more than 10 hours every day, comes home and he is compelled to wash clothes, clean dishes, and cook food, he feels overwhelmed with professional and personal pressure.

There are numerous grammatical mistakes in the above paragraph. Coupled with average lexical resources, you stand to score low.

Apart from this, living away from the family and friends have has (3) a highly negative effects impact/ effect (keep it singular since you’ve used ‘a’.) on their relationship ties. As they spend a huge considerable/ vast amount of their time alone away from the personal relations, their affection towards others starts reducing. Moreover, people become addicted to the solitary situation when they live alone for a long time. A recent research has found that living independently for more than two consecutive years makes the person habitual to that atmosphere, and it results to in the permanent breakage of emotional feelings with the society.

3. You’ve committed numerous subject-verb disagreements. In this sentence, the noun clause is “Living away from the family and friends“. This is singular in nature.

To conclude, the trend of living separately (Need an adverb with the verb living) from the families family was not common in the past times. People were happier and more emotional during that those periods. However, in today’s society many people live alone and it leads to the umpteen negative consequences for their health and relations.

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