Should government or teacher be responsible for what is to be taught in school?
School curriculum is of paramount importance. (1) Some believe that it is the government, not the teacher who is qualified to make a decision about appropriate content or courses that students need to take in. (2)
1. Though the sentence is grammatically complete, it is too simple and is devoid of a concrete meaning. You will lose bands for TR and GR (too simple). Let us create a more meaningful sentence: School curriculum is of paramount importance for the intellectual development of children and, hence, for the economic development of a country.
2. The nature of the question is such that it SEEMS to ask for YOUR OPINION. However, in the introduction, you have NOT stated your views. You’ve just said “some believe“. Also, you are supposed to MENTION the reasons supporting your views in the introduction. EXPLAIN these reasons in the body paragraphs. I think that the government is solely responsible to make a decision about courses since it has a broader perspective. (REASONS) (solely responsible = teachers are not responsible)
Undoubtedly, governments have a broader perspective. (Sentence should be in the introduction. Directly begin with the explanation.) With the passage of time, societies need various professionals in different sectors. The related education is a prerequisite for these upcoming job vacancies. Not all materials
actually (unnecessary word that does not convey any meaning.) are supposed to be put in schools’ books, but it would demand to get schoolers prepared for such purposes in advance. (3) For example, based on a well-rounded education committee meeting, with (Oops! You need to understand the concept of modifiers. Please read THIS ARTICLE) (4) the presence of education minister, the government predicts that, (6) in the future, the country will need more astronaut. In this way, (In what way? You’ve not discussed any way in the previous sentence.) they plan to use simplified-scientific books or visual aids pertaining to this field in order to make schoolers more familiar with (with what? Usually, a sentence does not end with a preposition. It can end with a preposition only if it is a question: “Can I come in?” – 5). Therefore, governments should have the authority to make decision on this matter.
3. This sentence does not convey any meaning. Also, I can’t see the role of government in this explanation. Let us re-write the entire idea. Note that the idea is complete in just two sentences. Then, you should move to an example. With time, as economies and societies expand, governments need professionals in various sectors. This is impossible if they (refers to governments in the previous sentence) do not train students in advance through proper training.
4. Let us restructure the example: In a recently concluded meeting of the cabinet, which included the minister of education and that of science, (an adjective clause – make the sentence complex) the Iranian government has found that (make the sentence further complex with a conjunction) it will need more astronauts during the next decade. Consequently, it has allocated more than a billion dollars to train students right at the school level in Tehran.
5. There are some controversial uses of prepositions. For instance: “That’s the house I was talking about.” Better write “I was talking about that house”. Stay clear of controversies.
Teachers, on the other hand, (6) have the privilege of knowing students’ abilities and areas of interests.
Throughout all years of teaching Due to years of experience, they are well-informed what kind of subjects attracts educators about subject that attract students’ interest (7) or would be beneficial for them in the long term. So, it might be perceived that school instructors are better to be (‘better to be‘ – makes no sense. Unnecessary words.) liable for giving an opinion about (7) what to cover at schools. ( …… school instructors are better equipped to decide about school curriculum.) However, this is a matter of preference since each teacher considers right or wrong from their own perspective. This means that by delegating this duty to teachers, we will not reach a consensus as a general plan for implementing in all schools.
6. Place a comma before and after the interruptor. These are a group of words that interrupts the flow of the sentence to give additional information. You’ve made this mistake twice – in BP 1 and BP 2. In BP 1, you can avoid this mistake by placing the objects in the right order: … the government predicts that the country will need more astronauts in the future.
7. Do not use what as a preposition.
In conclusion, although teachers spend more time with schoolers, I
personally believe that because of the farsightedness of government, it is advisable that authorities make the decision about what (7) subjects students are going to be taught should learn at schools.