Answer Checking

IELTS Letter Correction: Trip To Tenby.

You are organizing a trip to Tenby, United Kingdom, for a group of students from Brighton, United Kingdom. Write to the tour manager, Mr. Abraham, of an organization that organizes trips to Tenby.

In your letter, explain:

When you want to visit and how long you will stay?

How many students are in your group?

And what accommodation you will require

Answer:

Dear Mr. Abraham,

I have learnt about your firm from the internet reviews. I believe that you have a great experience in this field (in which field? You’ve not mentioned any field earlier.), and I am organizing a trip to Tenby, United Kingdom, for which I need your help.

Let us rewrite for a better impression: Last week, while exploring companies organizing torus to Tenby, I came across your organization and learned about the excellent reviews on the internet. I wish to discuss my tour’s itinerary with you.

A group of college students from Brighton, the UK, has planned (Are you not involved in the trip’s arrangements?) I am planning an annual trip for a group of college students from Brighton for five days starting from 24th of April. There will be forty members in this including two teachers from the college. This year, students they (let us use a pronoun to refer to members. This will prevent the repetition of students.) intend to do some engage (indulge) in adventure sports such as river rafting and paragliding, the underlying reason for choosing this destination. (1) Apart from this, Tenby is a famous tourist attraction for its clear climate and scenic beauty.

1. It does not seem correct to use this clause as a modifier. This can, rather, be used to create a complex sentence. Let us flip the structure: The underlying reason for choosing this destination is that they intend to engage in adventure sports such as river rafting and paragliding.

I want a large coach for travelling to the destination. (Why? Can you offer an explanation? We are planning to travel in one vehicle and, consequently, we will hire one large coach that can accommodate all the members and their luggage.) As there is no constraint of the budget are no budgetary constraints, accommodation for the students as well as faculty members should be first class. We will need 20 rooms with two members occupying each room. Breakfast and dinner meals should also be included in the package.

I hope you will make all the necessary arrangements for us. Please feel free to contact me if you need any other information.

Yours sincerely,

Amritpal Singh 

The letter falls short of proper explanation. It is not as coherent as it should be. Moreover, there are a few sentence structuring issues that may hamper your GR score, though not seriously. You could have written will better words or better arrangement of words. Since both destinations are in the UK, you need not write “the UK” after Tenby and Brighton. That’s unnecessary.

 

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